Fuller House’s Rocket League episode ranked from most- to least-believable moments

List? You got it, dude

There is a new episode of Fuller House where Rocket League is prominently featured. It’s much more than a cameo; it’s a major plot device that drives the primary narrative. 

With that sort of spotlight shone on Rocket League, is the game represented in a realistic way? Reader, you already know it is not. We would not be here if that were the case. Fuller House manages to wrap a sweet and endearing message around a ridiculous depiction of a very challenging video game.

Here are some things that happened in the Rocket League episode of Fuller House, ranked from most- to least-believable:

8. Stephanie can’t get any alone time: The “Ready Player Fuller” episode opens with the C-plot — everyone keeps bugging Steph when she’s just trying to chill. Well, yeah. The house used to be full and now it’s fuller. Everything checks out. It’s all extremely believable. Maybe San Francisco isn’t a great place to live if you value your personal space and alone time. Take that rent money and buy a McMansion in Omaha. It’ll overlook a highway.

7. Ramona Gibbler doesn’t know what AOL is: The other side-story involves a botched deli opening. An inaccurate day was advertised, as Ramona frantically points out “Papa put the wrong date on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and something called AOL.” Why would a 16-year-old have heard of AOL? Has AOL done anything meaningful in her lifetime? No, we all know AOL as a relic, something that only pops up on occasion to remind us we are old. That one cut too deep.

6. D.J. takes up video games in hopes of bonding with her son: The heart of “Ready Player Fuller” is that D.J. has trouble connecting with her son, Jackson, and thinks maybe showing an interest in his hobbies will help bridge that emotional gulf. She’s hesitant at first, saying “Video games? I don’t know if I’d be good at that.” D.J.’s a caring and compassionate mother, though. It’s not crazy that she’d pick up video games — really, the tiniest sacrifice when you think about it — as a way of getting closer to Jackson.

5. D.J. does a ridiculous voice to conceal her identity: By some stroke of luck, D.J. and Jackson are immediately and randomly paired up in a Rocket League lobby without either knowing who the other is. Afterward, they’re magically in a party together and in voice comms. (This is unbelievable in its own right if I bothered to make a separate entry for it.) Knowing she’s close to being busted, D.J. mimics a husky-voiced teenager who says stuff like “Cool, whatevs.” It’s barely passable, and probably only because Jackson’s too polite to go “Yo, you sound fucking weird.”

4. Jackson got a text message telling him he qualified for the NorCal finals tournament: I… I don’t think this is how tournaments work? Like, you usually have to win (or place high enough) at a qualifier. Not in NorCal. Apparently regional finals run on a lottery system up there.

3. They win the tournament: After an awkward “Your Rocket League partner is really your mom” reveal, they end up winning. There’s no gameplay, no celebration — there’s really no attention paid to anything, actually. D.J., as an afterthought, says “Yeah, we won our competition” and nobody cares. It’s a bizarre resolution for an episode hinged on this tournament. Anyway, this mom who has been playing Rocket League for like five days is the best player in San Francisco. Talk about a cool mom.

2. She’s so good: Remember that quote from before where D.J. goes “Video games? I don’t know if I’d be good at that?” She’s so goddamn good. This episode only shows a few seconds of Rocket League play, but D.J. impresses in the little time she has. She air rolls beautifully to perfectly land on the ground, and she jumps off the side wall to get a great booming clear. If I had to guess, I’d put that gameplay comfortably around Champ II.

And it’s the same day she started! She’s wearing the same clothes as when she decided she’d take up video games. She has played Rocket League — at an absolute maximum — for a few hours. Most people can’t wrap their head around turning ball cam on and off in that amount of time. This is less believable than them winning the tournament. If you can accept D.J. is this good this fast, then sure, winning the whole dang thing probably isn’t even a stretch.

1. They’re playing on Switch: Lol, no one plays on Switch.

Brett Makedonski
While you laughing, we're passing, passing away. So y'all go rest y'all souls, 'Cause I know I'ma meet you up at the crossroads. Y'all know y'all forever got love from them Bone Thugs baby...