[I’ve never unleashed a scalding hot “Millennials are ruining the world” take before. Bear with me as I perfect the artform.]
We all shudder to think what would happen if there was an honest-to-god zombie apocalypse. Panic in the streets, screams of terror ringing through the night, the total collapse of society.
There may not be any flesh-eating monsters yet, but I think we’ve already reached society’s collapse. Millennials are roaming the streets with their heads buried in their phones. They don’t crave blood, they crave likes and favorites. They don’t interact with the people around them, they interact with Khloe Kardashian. Millennials are just zombies by another name.
This Dead Rising 4 trailer is Exhibit A. Frank West, a professional photographer of all things (making use of that liberal arts degree!) would rather take selfies than fend off the undead horde. As the kids say, “SMDH.” That’s a level of vanity that’s unfathomable to anyone who was raised as a part of this country’s greatest generation. Humble and hard-working, Frank West is not.
On the off-chance that West escapes that mall alive, what do we have to look forward to? Him and his like bumping into us on crowded streets, never courteous enough to acknowledge our existence? Millennials don’t deserve this great world we made for them, so I’ll take my chances on the zombies.