Dear Sir Ben Kingsley,
How do you go from an Academy Award-winning performance as Mahatma Ghandi to playing cookie-cutter villains in fifth-rate films based on videogame licenses? You are either a fool or the film industry totally hates you. Either way, I weep.
That said, I do have to admit that you look like a total badass in this first promotional image of your character in the upcoming Prince of Persia movie. I would totally not like to meet you in a crowded bazaar, especially with that creepy shimmer in your eye. It just screams, “I’m going to manipulate the very forces of the cosmos and rape your entire bloodline, generation by generation.” You terrify me.
The tragedy is that your character is going to wind up with the crap beaten out of him by that wussy, Jake GysahlGreens. There really is no justice in this world, is there?
Hoping you won’t violate everyone I hold dear,
Conrad Zimmerman
