My best efforts of ignoring the rise of low-effort, sloppy “simulator” games on Steam finally came to a head today when the latest and most obnoxious entry came across my desk.
My first experience with the ever-growing genre was with games like Kerbal Space Program, and Euro Truck Simulator, and it’s brought some true gems over the years like Power Wash Simulator or Farming Simulator. They can be simple, cozy, and to the point. You’re just simulating things, often real life tasks, just gameified.
But over the past few years, Steam has been overrun with similar games that are simulating not much, if anything at all. But the latest and one of the worst offenders I’ve seen yet is this one:
Ball Scratch Simulator.
“Ball Scratch Simulator is the world’s premier public ball-scratching panic experience,” its description reads. “Scratch when nobody is looking, stop when they turn around, and try to escape with your dignity, career, and high score intact. Score points by scratching for as long as possible without being seen. The longer you go, the better the score. The longer you go, the worse your decisions become.”
And that’s really all there is to it. Oh, but wait, there’s more to discover because in the game’s AI Generated Content Disclosure on its Steam page, the dev says “the whole game is AI slop, the machines wanted to know what it felt like to scratch.” Wonderful.
Not all Simulator games are low-effort, self-described “slop,” and not every game needs to be a triple-A experience with a stunning story or presentation. I do wish the best to game devs looking to turn it into a legitimate career. But what the hell are we doing, really?
If you really feel the need to scratch your balls this much, I think it’s just time to take a shower. We’ve all had an itch pop up at inopportune times in life, so I can appreciate the humor behind the idea, but to see it given this much thought is kind of wild.
I think the term “slop” is overused these days (AI slop, friendslop, etc.), but for some of these games, the title rings true. And hey, this developer has given it that moniker themself, so it truly fits.
Ball Scratch Simulator is releasing sometime in August.
