Fanboy Friday: Dixaxis In Your Arse Edition

As I mentioned a few weeks back, Wii owners have been relatively quiet. With the 360 and PS3 fanboys going at each other’s throats non-stop, the Wii guys have been able to sit back and enjoy their games without being bothered, and since they’ve been left alone they haven’t been making any noise.

Then The Conduit came out. 

For those who don’t know, The Conduit was touted as a Wii game that would break barriers. It would show that the Wii was capable of next-gen graphics. It would show that mature games had a home on the Wii. It would encourage other developers to spend serious time on their games polishing them up and start putting out more quality games on the Wii.

Did it succeed? I don’t know – I haven’t played it. Judging from the people I’ve talked to and the reviews I’ve read, it seems like it’s a pretty solid game and worth checking out. But is it the ‘savior’ of the Wii that many prophesized it would be? Doubtful. (Of course, since from an economic sense Nintendo is winning the console war this generation, there’s a question of if the Wii even needs a savior at all.)

As with most games, The Conduit did not get glowing reviews all around. While most places gave it something around an 8, a few publications gave it much lower scores.

Behold the return of the Wii fanboys.

To break it down, 1UP gave the game a C+ (Which translates to 58 on Metacritic for some reason), Gamepro gave it 3.5 stars (70), Gametrailers threw out a 78, and IGN gave it an 8.6 (86).

1UP has a pretty smart system for game reviews, where instead of leaving a comment, you are encouraged to leave your own ‘user review’. Because of this, a lot of people don’t even seem to bother leaving comments, and the ones who do typically write some pretty well thought out and reasoned things, whether it be agreeances or rebuttals. There are a couple angry comments, but nothing extreme. Consider it a warmup for the chaos that will follow. 

While I agree with a lot of the points you made in your review, I cannot condone the ridiculous score you gave The Conduit!  Seriously?  Only C+?? Here are a list of some of the games you gave higher scores than The Conduit:
*Bully for Wii
*ALL of the Strong Bad Wiiware games
*Endless Ocean
*Worms: A Space Odyssee
*Order Up
*Block Breaker Delux
Cmon! You have to be kidding me!!??!?  Your review score genuinly infuriates me.  You really need to adjust it. This game, at a minimum, deserves a B or a B+. For anyone considering buying the game, I won’t bother writing a full review here (I already did one on Amazon.com), but I STRONGLY reccommend that you look to ANY SITE OTHER THAN 1UP for an hones appraisal of this game.  C+ is a ludacris score for The Conduit, and any person who plays Nintendo Wii as their primary game console NEEDS to buy this game.

This review is written like a legal document, cold and unfeeling, to avoid comparison to the dreaded Gamepro review. Yet it obviously comes from the place. Reading this review is like staring into the abyss. It’s like for a moment, all light, all happiness, all warmth was sucked out from the room all around me. There was only darkness, despair, and silent negative space.

Really, there’s not much outrageous in the 1UP comments, even though they technically gave it the lowest Metacritic score (which is arguable, because I have no idea how a C+ becomes a 58). If you couldn’t tell, the Gamepro review is the biggest shit storm, but I’ll get to that later.

Let’s look at how people responsed to the best score, IGN’s 86. As expected, some of the 360 and PS3 fanboys couldn’t resist poking their heads in to cause trouble.

wii is for queers

This isn’t about them though, this is all about the Wii today. While everyone was a little disappointed that the game didn’t get a 10, a couple people were happy that the game they looked forward to got an 8.6/86.

8.6– not too shabby. i was hoping for an 8.9, but expecting an 8.5, so this aint so bad. 

Some people were really upset that it ‘only’ got an 8.6/86. Regardless of whether people were happy or pissed, there was really an inordinante amount of focus on the score, which is something we often see in video game reviews – totally arbitrary distinctions between fractions of a point.

should have been 9.0 for graphics not 8 it looks better than a nintendo game. why when 3rd parties have great graphics on wii they get 8s on graphics. Super Mario Galaxy and Metroid Prime 3 got 9.5 on graphics!!!

I am surprised with the 8.5 for graphics and an 8.0 for game play. I know there are other FPS out there (I am an Xbox 360 owner myself) but should this game be compared to other Wii games? Graphicly it looks like it makes the Wii sing like no other Wii game and as far as gameplay the controls and online play look like they are unmatched by any other Wii game. Medal of Honor Heroes 2 got an “8.4 Impressive” and I think this game does alot more to only get an 8.6. I would have thought an 8.9 or 9.0. Oh well.

Only 8.5 for Graphics ? Why I was expecting more like 9.5

I’m pissed that the games not 9.0+. 8.6 is a great score compared to the average ratings, but I still feel like they graded the game to lightly. That they judged this games like a ps3 and an xbox game instead of what the wii can handle. So im not judging this until I get the game.

This is probably the 4th time I’m saying this about the recent string of great wii games, but The Conduit seems to join the crowd of wii games unable to get past that 9.0 mark. I’m not saying an 8.6 is bad, but these new great games just can’t be “great” enough to pull ahead of the pack.

This comment illustrates the decline of the American education system.

Yay! If this score was marked in school, it’d just get an ‘A’ (86%) But any ‘A’ is a good ‘A’ which means its definitely worth a buy.

This isn’t what you came here to see though. You came to see pure unbridled idiocy. Gentlemen and gentlewomen, may I present to you the comments from Gamepro’s review. I would like to point out that, from what I gathered, there are some legitimate criticims of the Gamepro review, as there are with pretty much any review. No review is perfect. These comments are not legitimate criticisms. They’re fanboy whining and bitching.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IDIOTS REVIEW. Read IGN’s Review if you want a real Review of this game. This guy obviously went in to this game with a bad mood. OMG, he is so completely wrong here. I have been a gamer for over 20 years, and never have I read a review I disagree with More. First off, the Graphics are absolutely STUNNING for a Wii Game. Bump Mapping is present everywhere you look. The Lighting is Next Gen and the Textures are High Res. This is, by far, the best looking Wii game ever made!! He is flat out lying telling you that this game has “Unimpressive Visuals”. The controls are also some of the Best I have seen on the Wii, or any shooter. The level of customization that is available to you in real time while you are playing is nothing short of jaw dropping. You can change the size of the dead zone if you wanted, that is how detailed it is. Oh, and the reviewer forgot to mention that you can CUSTOMIZE THE MOTION CONTROLS AS WELL!!!!! If he didnt like how you throw a grenade and how you Melee, he should have taken the time to look at the god damn options in the menu and changed the controls to his liking instead of complaining about them for 2 paragraphs! READ IGN’s REVIEW IF YOU WANT A REAL REVIEW!! I own this game, and this guy is completely wrong, and this is the firs time I have ever felt so compelled to go on the comments and write something like this.

What really kills me is the fact that GAMEPRO was one of the many magazine and gaming sites hyping the hell out of this game, and then Tae K. Kim goes and dogs the hell out of this title with a very lackluster review.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA C’MON GAMEPRO!!!!!!!! IS THIS REVIEW A JOKE?????? “the Wii’s lack of power doesn’t explain the boring story that had me tapping the A button as fast as I could during cutscenes. There’s some mumbo jumbo about some shadow organization that’s plotting to take over the world using aliens or something; I don’t know, it didn’t make a lot of sense.” WELL OF COURSE IT WOULD NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU KEPT PRESSING THE A BUTTON TO SKIP THE CUTSCENES!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! AND THEN THE “REVIEWER” SAYS “The funny thing is, after wrestling with the terrible controls for the five hours, thirteen minutes and eleven seconds it took me to beat the game (before you set the Internet aflame over how “short” the game is, I took the most direct route to the end and didn’t look for all the secret rooms and discs scattered around — most of you will probably take a little bit longer)” HAHAHAHAHA DUH!!!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!! IF YOU PLAY SUPER MARIO BROS 1 FROM THE NES, YOU CAN BEAT THE GAME IN LIKE 7 MINUTES IF YOU USE “THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE” WITHOUT LOOKING AT ALL THE EXTRAS THE GAME INCLUDES! ALSO, HE ADMITS HE DIDN’T EVEN PLAY THE MULTIPLAYER, HE KEEPS COMPARING THE GAME TO OTHER GAMES (CAN’T GIVE AN OBJECTIVE OPINION JUST BASED ON THE GAME ITSELF?) AND WORST OF ALL… HE STARTS THE REVIEW BY COMPLAINING ABOUT THE Wii IN GENERAL!!!!! C’MON GAMEPRO! AREN’T YOUR WORKERS HAPPY ABOUT WHAT THEY DO? WHY DO YOU MAKE A Wii HATER, REVIEW THE Wii’s GAMES?????? I DEMAND A NEW “THE CONDUIT” REVIEW. PS: I LIKE ALL CONSOLES, SO C’MON, DO A GOOD JOB.

I didn’t know retards could get jobs in journalism…

LMAO.. Sony fanboy site living in fear of a game so much they have to write a totally bias and completely flawed review…Anyone interested in this game go to IGN for a real review. Not some dribble from a moron. Of course this is just as pathetic as when they post false play time numbers to make their favorite console look like its actually getting played. I mean really faulty controls?It’s point and shoot you moron.. If you cant handle that maybe its time to just admit you’re not a gamer. Gaymer maybe but one with some seriously physical handicaps… My God my 4 year old can handle point and click but some idiot working as a professional cant?

Same case here kid. Its not opinion. Its bias. No other site ever had any issues with the controls that can be changed more than any other FPS ever. Yet this clown cant pull off point and click… Obviously its just Sonypros way of dealing with the fact that a good game came to Wii and in their usual way they must trash it completely. I’m sure they are throwing a party right now and celebrating by taking turns shoving the dixaxis up each others arses

u no for the 2 years ive been following GamePro i have had a lot of respect for Tae K Kim and Will Herring, my respect for them now??? COMPLETLEY DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!! Nintendo Power gave this game an 8/10 and IGN gave it an 8.6, i pre-ordered this game and am expecting it tommorow and ever since i pre ordered it all ive herd is good things about it!!!…hey, heres something that should really piss Gamepro off!!! i was think about getting nintendo power, gamepro, and game informer next year (getting game informer for the first time) and now im getting nintendo power and game informer!!!!!

This review is a piece of garbage, obviously done by an uneducated four year old microsoft fanboy. The game will be great

Let’s see how fast he can get a job in a bad economy with a partially completed degree in liberal studies, and work experience consisting of mostly walking around with his dick in his hand… with all due respect to all other fine GamePro staffers.

I truly hope that GamePro consider a retraction for this review, and/or letting Tae Kim go. This is truly the worst piece of journalism I have ever read.

AANTHUNDER…fanboy much?? nintendo power gave it an 8/10. so i guess thats a “piss pore score” huh? i have no idea who the hell wrote this review, but shoot them. this game is amazing. as much as i dislike ign for their lateness on stories and for some of the reviews they give, but they hit this one on the nose. aside from the graphics being amazing, the one thing i have herd about alot is the ability to change controll setting on the go. i love that. im pickey about the controlls in the FPS’s i play. regardless of what the reviewer here says, this game is awsome. if you dont have it, kill urself, then get it.

Can gamepro please simply pull this review and retain a SHRED of credibility? If they don’t, they’ll lose at lose one supporter, for life.

if I was a ceo or an investor or something at sega, I’d be pissed off for paying GamePro to put a banner at the beggining of their homepage, and then give my game an excuse of a “review”. I didn’t pay a dime for that banner, but I’m a gamer and I DEMAND A REAL REVIEW!!!!!! Millions, literally MILLIONS would be more than glad to have the job this reviewer has, and what does he do? just complain and cry over a good system (Wii), and I like all of them.

This is the WORST review I’ve seen in my ENTIRE GAMING LIFE. Serious shit there. This guy is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. 

Well…..I have waited a Full day now and still his superiors have not questioned his review. Even though all the Proof that his review was completely Bias, unprofessional and Lazy is directly in front of them. I guess they are no better at what they do than him. It’s so sad when a Boss doesn’t have the BALLS to step up to his employee and have them correct their mistakes.

I picked up the game yesterday and IT ROCKS!…You start off right in the action and your guide is non other than KEVIN FREAKING SORBO from Hercules and Andromeda fame and he has not small part. I still have a way to go in the campaign but Kevin is with your just about through out the game. Again that’s KEVIN SORBO!

[He] should be fired and be shipped back to whatever country in Asia that dumb motherfucker is from!!!!

The best part of all this? The response from the Gamepro reviewer himself, via Twitter.

Forget words. What i need is one of those Red Faction sledgehammers. And the addresses of everyone who bitches in our comments.

And finally, incredibly rude words of wisdom.

I think the reviewer is right. I mean, if the game is sooooo good, why the fuck aren’t you Nintendo fanturds actually playing the game, instead of whining like a bitch on a website.

So what have we learned this week? Wii owners are just as sensitive as 360 and PS3 owners, although they somehow manage to be ridiculous fanboys without calling everyone fags. I guess that’s a small plus for them?

See you next week!