EGM Wii Review Roundup

As most of you already know, EGM’s latest issue declares Elebits to be an affront to God, a pox upon humanity, a poor source of calcium — I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. My tirade earlier today caught the eye of one Robert Summa who, in a fit of unparalleled fury, opened his copy of this month’s EGM and, you know, read it. His report includes a rundown of the scores for some of the other Wii launch titles alongside Elebits.

So, here’s how we’re going to do this. I’m going to average these scores out and list them in order of their rating, from highest to lowest. See if anything unusual pops out at you like it did us.

Zelda: Twilight Princess: 10, 10, 10
Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam: 7.5, 8.0, 7.0
Rayman: Raving Rabbids: 7.0, 7.5, 7.5
Trauma Center: 6.5, 7.5, 7.0, tied with
Excite Truck: 6.5, 7.5, 7.0
Wii Sports: 6.5, 5.5, 7.0
Madden NFL 07: 6.5, 6.0, 4.5
Red Steel: 5.0, 4.5, 6.0, tied with
Elebits: 7.0, 4.0, 4.5.

So there you have it, kids. Zelda is perfect in every way. Elebits, on the other hand, is about as good as Red Steel, colloquially known as “Paragon of Disappointment, Destroyer of Hopes and Dreams”. And new Wii adopters, if you’re looking for games for your new system, your best bets are Zelda and… Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam?

Consider this proof positive that you can’t go by a numbering system to determine what games are worth your time, and why you shouldn’t base your purchases upon any one person’s opinion. Read lots of reviews. Watch lots of movies. Give stuff a rent every once and awhile, and for the love of God, don’t buy Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam over Elebits.

Aaron Linde