The Dtoid dolphin delight came up with this clever title, and I couldn’t resist Chad’s alternative “Hands-on” phrase for the Nintendo foot device. Wii Fit has to be the only Nintendo game that’s ever made players start stripping and laying down on the floor, and I couldn’t wait to jump on the Wii Balance Board that comes with the game. I only had time to play the non-exercise games, but honestly, I don’t think I’d give Yoga a try in public or private even if I did have the time for it.
For a quick review of each of the small games, hit the jump for my first impressions. Or just look at how ridiculous the people in the pictures below look.
After taking your shoes off and waiting a full ten seconds or so for the Balance Board to get a good feel for your feet and distributed weight, the game selection screen pops up and Chad chooses soccer. Playing as a goalie, he has to sway from side to side to head-butt the oncoming soccer balls, while also watching out for spiky cleats slipping off the opposing team’s Mii feet. The strategy for success involves keeping a solid rhythm going, which isn’t as easy to get into as it is to lose your looping leaning motions.
I could tell Chad wasn’t too into the game since he just wanted to play Super Mario Galaxy, but the game also seemed to have slightly delayed response times to his actions. Although, who can blame him? The majority of Wii owners who will buy Wii Fit will probably also buy the new Mario game, so why would you ever choose something as mundane as penguin walking over gravity-bending space gameplay? Chad steps off, now being slightly dizzy, and it’s my turn to see what else this foot warmer has to offer.
My first game was Wii Skii, a winter sport that challenges you to gain as much downhill speed as possible to then gain the highest possible jump off the ending ramp. This complex maneuvering called for me to bend over and . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . then stand up. Give me the gold medal and my shoes please, not even the greyest of gamers could find joy in this squat simulator.
Losing hope I tried the next game and my toes tingled at the sight of marbles. Picture Marble Madness or Super Monkey Ball, but with the balls on platforms that tilt with your shifting weight. Finally, something my feet can do to make my fingers jealous!
Simply leaning over like a tin-man only brought sloppy board sways, which is when my toes came to life and started using the Balance Board as a stylus mechanism. It was like standing on a giant Nintendo DS, with two touch sensitive screens to keep me busy. I traced out rolling trajectories from each ball to each hole, and as the levels went higher and the timer got lower, there were more and more balls to deal with on each difficult course.
To make gameplay even harder at higher levels, when a ball falls off the edge of the board, it returns back on top, but first spins the board 180 degrees quickly. During that half second spin you have to completely counter-act your current motions to keep the other balls from flying around. I’m surprised that such a simple foot game could require more than two sentences to describe, but I’m glad that Wii Fit has finally brought me a lot of fun, and I move on to the last game. Bad idea.
Last up is Wii hula hoop. It was great to beat my real life all-time record of two full spins, but my short happiness is doused out by some obnoxious Mii throwing another hula hoop around my head. This goes on until I’ve got five hulas spinning around me and I get so disoriented that I start spinning in the reverse direction. The hula collar begins to slowly release its death grip from around my neck and I realize this strategy will end the game quicker.
After that I step off the platform and Chad, Alex, and I all agree. It’s time to play Super Mario Galaxy. Wii Fit is similar to Wii Sports in that, after a few nights of casual play at a friends house, you’ll have had enough. Except Wii Sports was free, so let someone else buy it and hog Wii marbles all night. Obviously the Yoga and exercise options that I didn’t get to try will completely outweigh the value of the games for some people, but if you’re just in it for the gaming, then I suggest you just keep your feet walking past this package when it pops up on store shelves.
