Destructoid’s games of the week for 12/17/06: I was a roadie for Ted Nugent edition!

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*Nex takes a drag from a Lucky Strike*

It all started back in 1977 or so; Ted had just released “Cat Scratch Fever” and the whole world was rocking to the sweet licks of the Motor City Madman.

I was working as a roadie at the time and after a long day of hauling amps into the trucks for Ted’s “Venison For Virgins” Tour, we would all head out to whatever bar was local and we’d drink until we couldn’t see.

*Nex spits* 

Ted, of course, being the straight-shooter that he is, would just sit in the back with us telling us stories of his crazy life, but never touching a drink. That man had a kind of natural high going on that our lines of blow and needles of heroin just couldn’t touch.

I remember one night in particular, it was about 2 AM and we were sitting in a bar in Indiana when Ted starts telling a story about a hunting trip he had in Alaska the year before. Now if you know anything about Ted, it’s that he loves bow hunting. Even then the man wouldn’t leave the house without, at least a compound bow or an English Longbow on his back. It was kinda awkward getting into bars with his arsenal, but he’s Ted “Freaking” Nugent, so we always got in.

Anyway, back to his story; so Ted’s in a remote fishing village about a hundred miles north of Juno. He’s been hunting baby seal for a few weeks and had a haul of probably 15 tons of juvenile seal meat, but on the last day of his trip, it all went wrong. He was lying in bed one night and he hears a rustling over near his Pile O’ Carcasses. Getting up to check on it, he thinks “It’s probably just some Eskimo trying to pull a fast one on The Nuge”, and he grabs his bow from under his pillow to teach the ‘Kimo a lesson (in 1976, it was still legal to hunt native minority groups). As soon as he stepped outside of his yurt, he knows something is wrong, just from the smell of his Pile. As he creeps around the far side of it, expecting to find a bear or Peter Chris, based on the smell, he stumbled across the most horrific sight he had ever witnessed; butt naked, except for cowboy hats, covered in the blood of baby seals sits Dom DeLuise and Burt Reynolds. Apparently they had followed the scent of the fresh kill and had been devouring the seals for the past few hours. 

Why they were naked or how two movie stars developed a taste for uncooked seal flesh, he didn’t know, but that’s the incredible life of Ted Nugent. 

*Nex walks off into the sunset, assuming you would be smart enough to hit the jump to read the rest of this article*

Sure, after a story like that talking about gaming seems like kind of a let-down, but we’re gonna do it anyway. If you can sit still until the end, we’ll take you for ice cream afterwards. 

Ron “I Wrassle Gators” Workman:
Believe it or not… Ron Workman has made a change. I have decided to make myself understand other aspects of gaming.

Some of you may know that I am not the biggest fan of, well… how do I put it? ummm… lets just say, “Nerd Games.” So this week I went out and bought World of Warcraft. Don’t worry. I promise not to go to far down the rabbit hole. I also picked up Command and Conquer Generals for the PC. I don’t really play PC games much except for Rise of Nations. A lot of people told me that I would love the C&C series so I decided to go for it. I also plan to pick up Star Wars Galaxies and have Ana teach me what in the hell I need to do because being a SW nerd doesn’t mean I am going to be good at the game. On the Xbox 360 I have been playing those damn Burger King games a little and burning up Viva Pinata until my eyes bleed. They should call it “Viva Pornata” as far as I am concerned. I spend 99% of my time on the game, trying to get things to hump. Does anyone know how to get bunnies to come back? Damn… that’s a question I thought I would never ask. I did buy Call of Duty 3 but haven’t even looked at it yet. Maybe I’ll get on it when I get all the animal sex out of my head.

This has been a casual game week for me, as Raul who does the web site CSS code took a one week vacation and I lent him my Wii system for the entire time so I’ve had no flashy new console within my grasp.  I’ve mostly been playing with the nav system of Destructoid and our new Community Blogs feature, but also have been scouring for items in the freeware PC game Knytt between sessions. My girlfriend and I also spent a lot of time taking turns at‘s Winter Bells, a time killing bunny no one should miss. I also snuck in a few rounds of Unreal Tournament GOTY Edition like it’s 2002, more EBA, and more Ouendan.  I just received word that my order for Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin is on backorder and I want to beat Toys R’ Us’s ass.  There go my weekend plans!

Wait, girlfriend? I thought you were a robot!

Anyway, I’ve spent this entire weak trying to beat Metroid Fusion, and so far I’ve made some pretty good progress. Granted, the game is only a few hours long, but it’s also kinda tough, and it’s easy to get lost within its maze-like environments. After this, I plan to finally take a break from taking a break and start studying again for my exams in January, so don’t send me any more annoying e-mails asking what I’m playing. Bitch.

I’m still playing a ton of Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. I just got the best ending for it two days ago and now I’m simoultaneously replaying it with the hidden characters in what can only be described as a love letter to me from Konami. I’ve also heard rumors that there is a super-secret hidden character team composed of Dracula and Death that I’m busting ass trying to find.

On the side, I’ve been relaxing with some old school games of Hot Shots Golf. Say what you will about Tiger woods, but he can’t hold a candle to the sheer joy and adorable-ness of the Hot Shots series.

I’m still playing Final Fantasy XII, but I also found this little online game where you get to manage a Stripclub and it totally rocks. It’s called Hittin’ the Clubs.

Rob Summa:
Elebits, Rainbow Six Vegas, Castlevania Portrait of Ruin and … I think that’s it. I’m taking a break from overload and only playing the shit I like. 

Just got my DS last night! Woo! Taking turns between New Super Mario Bros and Nintendogs. I love it. 

Aaron Linde:
Hell yes, Colette. Don’t forget to keep an ear out for the siren song of Castlevania. Though I’ve got both of those games and love ’em, it never gets quite as good as whippin’ the crap out of stuff. Anyways–

What am I playing this week? Nothing! Because I’m done with finals and I don’t have to write a damned thing for Destructoid if I don’t want to! You know what I’m going to play this week? Do you?! I’m going to play ‘lounge about in naught but a beach towel and a banana peel loosely cast over my bits and pieces while doing nothing that requires any effort beyond lifting my hand to reach for the remote-slash-booze-slash-porn’! Ahahahah!
Sorry, sorry — lost control of myself, there. I’ll be playing Elebits, Metal Gear Solid: PO, polishing off the final battle in FFXII (which I’ve neglected for over a month), and kickin’ it ugly-school with Sky Odyssey for next week’s Bargain Bin Laden.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta find a banana.

Still playing Gears of War multiplayer and co-op in Assault Heroes.  I’ve also been going back to my SNES with games like Donkey Kong Country 2.

Nick Brutal: 
It might be easier if I told you what I wasn’t playing this week:

Cabela’s African Safari (Xbox 360); Barbie: 12 Dancing Princesses (GBA/PC/PS2/DS); Red Steel (Wii); Hanna Montana (DS); Madden NFL 2007 (PS3); Thrillville (PS2/Xbox/PC); Kessen (PS2); and WWF Smackdown: Just Bring It (PS2). Just to name a few.

Everything else (pretty much), I’m playing. 


So what are you cats playing this week? Hit the comments and let us know. We really are curious. Satiate us!

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Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.