Destructoid’s games of the week for 09/16/07: Destructoid sells out edition!

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Early this morning it came to light that website has been accepting kickbacks from all manner of companies. Some companies, such as Ubisoft and Vivendi had been plying Destructoid’s supposedly hardcore writers with cash, gifts and sexy asian women, while other organizations — most notoriously Purina Pet Food — had been offering reviewers free samples of various flavors of dry and wet dog chow in exchange for complementary reviews.

After months of accusations from the wiliest corners of the Internet, this payola scandal comes as a shock to none, but the amount of money changing hands is utterly mind boggling. In one month, the editorial staff of the site consumed 300 gallons of gravy, sixty thirty-pound turkeys, forty bags of potatoes and a family of ducks who merely wandered into the server room. The entirety of this food was bought and paid for by the DuPont corporation, who had cajoled Destructoid’s supposedly unflappable writers into praising their exceedingly soft bathroom tissue products.

If there is one thing to be learned from this shocking scandal, it would be that objectivity in journalism only extends as far as the subject is willing to write a check. In a world where we can’t trust a Mexican in a robot helmet, who can we trust?

[Clarification: According to sources, site owner “Niero” is actually Cuban, not as we and most of caucasian America originally assumed, Mexican. We apologize for any confusion we may have caused.]


After a message from our sponsor, we’ll tell you what we’ve been playing this week!

I’ve been playing BioShock — still — and Carcassonne all week long.  I love that game. It’s so addicting but I need more people to play with. Download this game, so I have people to play with.

I also downloaded Super Puzzle Fighter’s demo and may I say that kitty cat chick is hot. I bought Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on XLA because I missed out on the whole Sonic thing when I was a kid and I need to see what everyone is talking about. I was a Nintendo child. I’m sorry.

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I FINALLY got My 360 back. While I heart Microsoft for everything they did for me during this ordeal, I’m going to lob balloons full of menstrual blood at every UPS employee I see from this day forward.

With my 360 back, I’ve been playing the following: skate, Puzzle Fighter, Bomberman Live, Blue Dragon, Senko no Ronde and of course, BioShock. I had yet to truly experience it before the last few days, and if you have yet to play it, you’re missing out on one of the few games one could realistically describe as better than sex.

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Leigh Alexander:
I’m playing Metroid Prime 3, and am just more fascinated than ever with Samus Aran, particularly through this particularly rad incarnation that puts us so close, and yet so far! I’m workin’ on Rune Factory, which means essentially I have fallen into a hole of farming-fixated deliciousness. I’m lookin’ for a new hoe, and I’m not referring to garden tools (zing!)

I have yet to beat Persona 3 due to my obsessive-compulsive desire to be a PERFECT student, so I’m working through it in bites here and there. And Eliza’s recent post inspired me to get back on the text adventure train, so I’m combing the IF Archive for the most confounding, meticulously-parsed and convoluted games I can find. I love that crap.

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Colette Bennett:
I’m still playing BioShock and, realizing as I write this, this is the third week in a row I’ve been playing BioShock. I don’t get out much. It’s time to shift gears – about to start Persona 3 and also dig back into FF3 for DS. I am also having intense Rhythm Tengoku withdrawals. I blame Niero.

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I h ave been doing a lot of Picross DS. It is incredibly addictive. I threw in some SimCity DS and finally got Jam Sessions so I have been pretending I am overly popular pop guitarist here and there…what that isn’t everyone’s fantasy? I am going to start some Alien Syndrome this weekend in between shows!

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Topher Cantler:

Hopefully some BioShock over the weekend, and anything and everything on XBLA now that I have my 360 back. Super Puzzle Fighter HD is growing on me, and I spent quite a bit of time with Space Giraffe, even though it’s confusing and not really worth the 800 points I paid for it. Also, I might play one last round of Don’t Italicize Stuff That Isn’t a Game Because it Annoys Nex before I trade it in for something that doesn’t annoy Nex.

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Dale North:
It’s been mostly quality time with Persona 3 for me, with the holes being filled in with more Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD.

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Aaron Linde:
I don’t think I could be more disappointed with Space Giraffe if Jeff Minter came to my house and kicked me in the balls. Also clumsily working my way through Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core and making small moves towards eventually completing Metroid Prime 3. Ron likes to joke that “we play games for a living”, but I haven’t played a single goddamn game for more than an hour uninterrupted in the last month. How I miss playing games.

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Jim Sterling:
I have been spending my vacation educating my girlfriend in the ways of Metal Gear Solid. Since finding the original on the PSX was near impossible, we started with Snake Eater, which was met with much approval and pretentious discussion on the folly of international affairs. We have since tracked down a copy of The Twin Snakes for Gamecube, which will do enough to show the story before we culminate with Sons of Liberty, which shall be doubtless picked up sometime this week. It’s quite interesting playing the MGS series from Snake Eater onwards, lends a slightly different perspective on things.

I grow impatient for Solidus Snake, the ultimate Libertarian. Except evil.

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Chad Concelmo:
My nagging internal debates of the week: Do I like the spread gun or homing missiles better (Contra III: The Alien Wars)? What’s more fun: shooting out tires or blowing things up ( Crackdown)? Is Slippy a boy or a girl (Star Fox 64)? My head is full of many remarkably intelligent thoughts.

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Nick Chester:
I’ve been playing the “Prepare for Tokyo Game Show” game, but when not doing that, I’m playing: the World in Conflict demo on the PC; Stranglehold on the 360; Metroid Prime 3 on the Wii; and both Lair and Warhawk on the PS3.

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Dick McVengeance:
Finally beating Symphony of the Night was a joy, and so now, my attention is turned to Bridget in all of his glory in Guilty Gear: Accent Core, along with some more face training.

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I’m still giving my Xbox 360 its housewarming party, so it’s been Viva Pinata, Dead Rising, and the old faithful Bomberman Live for me this week. I need to fire up the Wii and get to my monster backlist of VC titles waiting on my front channels. Landstalker, here I come.

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Dyson Grigsby:
The only game I’ve had a chance to play this week is Metroid Prime 3. I wish I could say that I was loving it like a newborn child, but I’m barely into the game and feel quite bored with it already (sorry Chad!!). I’ll give it another go this weekend, so I’ll update you on my progress next week.

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I’ve been playing BioShock when time permits, and loving every minute of it. I hope to actually complete the game before the sequel comes out. Other than that, I got my ass handed to me by Snaileb and a few others on Gears of War (which I haven’t played since I beat the damn thing eons ago). In other words, I suck at multiplayer games.

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David Houghton:
It’s been another bash on Jericho for me, along with a few rounds of Late Cross-Country Train Challenge: All The Birmingham Signal Boxes Are Broken Edition either side. I also gave Halo multiplayer another chance, but unfortunately once again I had far less than what could be accurately described “fun”

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What about you? What have you been playing, and are you enjoying our corporate overlords as much as we are? Capitalist greed über alles! 


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Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.