Destructoid’s games of the week for 07/01/07: I got nothin’ edition!

Seriously, nothin’. Now watch a music video. It’ll do your brain good.

Music courtesy of Stellastarr* and Nex’s intense laziness. 

People play games, I write about them, and then you read it. Why do you wanna screw up such a cushy situation?

Ron Workman:
Halo 2, Halo Wars, Cod2, Cod4, Pac-Man CE, and Aaron Linde touched my bad place and I need Chris Hansen.

Niero:

The highlight of my week: I finally got to play Cho Aniki on the Saturn.  It was everything I wish and hoped for — and more.  Let me tell you about this boss that consists of three muscular guys in thongs dancing on a train with thin arms shooting a pistol that rushes to the end of the screen so that the fat random leg at the end’s kneecap could open and let a vomiting bald man’s head split into eight parts.  We couldn’t beat the game but we got to the 6th level boss, which is a spoof of an R-Type full screen battle ship. Except its a bald naked black man with a robotic penis that shoots spinning wide beams and smaller naked spinning men. I shit you not.

I’m also really enjoying Super Stardust HD on the PS3 and the Dynasty Warriors: Gundam demo (the battle mechanics don’t offer much, it’s just as repetitious as the rest of the series) and am working my way through Resident Evil: Wii for old time’s sake.  Special thanks to Capcom for sending that our way and to our friends at SquareEnix for the Anniversary Edition of Final Fantasy.  I’m not ashamed to admit I have never owned a PSP, but will wait until after E3 to decide if I’m holding out for the PSP2 or getting a deal on eBay when I get back.

Jim Sterling:
I’ve been out of town and left my consoles alone to the mercies of the elements. As such, my gaming has been minimal at best. Aside from some flash game that I barely remember, I downloaded and fired up a shareware version of Commander Keen. Yeah that’s right, Commander Bloody Keen. Hadn’t played that since I was about six years old, and I barely touched it this week to be honest. Still, the blue wolf thing remains the scariest sumbitch that ever lived in games. He was a Clock Tower stalker before Clock Tower even existed. How many blue wolf things have to die?

Nick Chester:
F**k. I’m supposed to be playing games, too?

Pac-Man Championship Edition is great. I just finished The Darkness on the Xbox 360. I wanted to play the new Resistance: Fall of Man maps, but my PlayStation 3 kept freezing up on me, so that I played Pac-Man Championship Edition some more.

Nex:
I picked up Capcom Fighting Evolution for the bargain price of $7 so I’ve been making out with Capcom’s legacy all week. Capcom is like that really hot ex of yours who is totally dangerous and kinda crazy, but you ALWAYS end up back in bed with her, regardless of how many better women you date.

Dick McVengeance:
Been playing Hoshigami Remix, along with it’s original, Hoshigami, in order to put up a review. Otherwise, my gaming has consisted of even more GURPS, along with a smidgen of playing Red Steel. I’ve got to beat it before Red Steel 2 comes out, afterall…

Leigh Alexander:
Nick, you always have “I don’t play enough games” guilt, but you finished The Darkness already? As for me…

I did it. Recovery’s happened. Finally, I’ve reached the other side. That’s right– I wrenched Puzzle Quest from my DS, where it had crawled in and taken up residence for like a month. It’s over. It’s out of me. BACK TO HARVEST MOON DS, where I go down the mine every day to try and get that sleeping girl to marry me. She doesn’t say much and she’s always in bed– what a perfect wife! Though, as is my way, I’ll make her love me and then just marry the mermaid anyway.

Also, Odin Sphere. Tedious boss fights are t-e-d-i-o-u-s. I love the game; love it. But it seems to be trying to get me to get utterly bored and quit every 10 minutes. Finally had the time to polish off God of War II— wow. That’s how a boss fight is done. Now, trying not to suck so much on God Mode, and thinking Kratos cleans up pretty good in that Hydra armor.

Oh yeah, and Cave Story. Just to see what all the fuss is about. I can’t friggin’ play platformers on a laptop; I just can’t. As a result there’s a lot of dying in the same spot 10000000x. Go me.

Savant:

As per the last few weeks, ol’ Mike has been playing Command & Conquer 3 for the PC like a man on a mission. What is that mission? Well, it is quite a novel concept, actually — to friggin’ WIN a few games. I’ve hammered down some good strats for Nod and GDI but I am having a hell of a time dealing with the Scrin.

On a side note, I find it funny how people refer to the Scrin as the “Zergtoss.” Except, Scrin are the absolute worst at rushing early game. All Scrin players seem to do these days is tech up, build a zillion air units, and march some Tripods into my base to distract me. Argh!

Gameboi:
It has been an interesting week, game-wise. I’ve been juggling the Sims 2, Soul Reaver 2, and of course, The Darkness. Dear Jesus, I love The Darkness. Now that the nasty water problem I was having last week is over,  I can once again enjoy the life of a gamer. Funny thing is, I now like to compare all purchases to gaming purchases — with the PS3 being the monetary unit. Needless to say, I bought a PS3 last weekend, along with a couple of games. Well not really, but you get the point.

Colette Bennett:
Fable: for fun.
Second Life: for a freelamce project. Every time I get in game its like inserting needles under my fingernails.

Topher Cantler:

Still playing Art Team Organization Force 2007, and lots of handheld stuff for some reason. Final Fantasy III for DS, Rocket Slime, and Me and my Katamari for PSP. Shut up, it isn’t that bad.

Rev Anthony:

I’ve been playing a fair amount of the Zombie Master mod, not to mention Spycraft. I finished The Darkness a couple of days ago, which means I can now happily burn the disk and never utter its name again.

David Houghton:

Just light SNES dabblings for me this week. Yoshi’s Island, UN Squadron, Axelay, Super Mario World, Castlevania IV and Flashback have all seen some action, but I haven’t really had time for a prolonged session on anything. I also spent several hours at a friend’s house trying to get the Wiimote/HL2 hack to work, but was rewarded only with a mouse cursor which floated absent-mindedly up the screeen like a helium balloon in a light breeze.

Faith:
I’ve been playing Touch Detective, Phoenix Wright and Cake Mania for the DS. Twilight Princess for the Wii.  I feel bad cause I’m more addicted to Cake Mania this week than any other game. My next gen consoles are ashamed of me right now.

Grim:
I picked up The Darkness and didn’t stop playing until it was beaten about 10 hours later. I actually enjoyed the multiplayer when it wasn’t completely broken from massive amounts of lag. I then went back to playing Gears of War multiplayer and it will probably stay that way until Bomberman Live comes out. Will someone please get that game certified already!

Aaron Linde:
RE4Wii is still eating up most of my time — now I’m clearing out Mercenaries mode with five-stars so I can get me a fine HandCannon. Meanwhile, the rest of my games are work-related: GrimGrimoire for a review, Jak and Daxter for BBL, and the Bit Generations series for a forthcoming feature.

Yeah, it’s official: Rev is effin’ nuts. The Darkness is the greatest thing involving Mike Patton since Handsome Boy Modeling School’s White Boy.

What have all you cats and kittens out there in fleshbagland been playing?

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.