Destructoid: THE MOVIE!

We’ve been silent about this for a few months now because Paramount has basically put a gag order on us (by us I mean myself, Niero and Ron — the only people that knew about this project). And actually, we didn’t want to say anything until filming started, but it being April Fool’s and all, we figured people might not think it was real if we gave you a little nugget of info now. So, in our eyes: no harm, no foul. Now, we can’t really get into a ton of details — like plot and such. But, we can tell you who has already signed on for certain parts.

Keep in mind, we still haven’t signed off on the final script, but most of the actors and director are already in place. And before you start thinking we’re making just another stupid video game movie, pfft, come on, who do you think we are?

The (partial) cast:

Niero: Wilmer Valderrama
Robert Summa: Matthew Fox
Ron Workman: Johnny Knoxville
Colette Bennett: Winona Rider
Earnest “Nex” Cavalli: Macaulay Culkin
Nick Brutal: Keanu Reeves
Hushgush: Robert Downey, Jr.
Aaron Linde: John Goodman

Remember, this is just a partial cast list. We haven’t fully stocked the pond, so to speak, and we can’t really tell you who the director is quite yet. Just know that it’s NOT Uwe Boll — again, come on, who do you think we are? If all stays on track, then expect the film to hit next summer. And you best believe, we’re gonna have the biggest party ever to celebrate. 

Robert Summa