The Destructoid community’s Halloween 2022 tarot readings

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Happy Halloween!

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Since E3, I have hit the books on really deeply learning the tarot more than ever. The appearance of the tarot in various video games has always fascinated me. Games like the Persona and Tactics Ogre series have often placed the tarot front and center in meaningful ways, and it’s also a reason my healer of choice in Final Fantasy XIV is Astrologian.

And thankfully it’s these games that informed my views and got me reading up, instead of whatever that Twin Flame/Gemini-you-knew-from-high-school-drama-class-is-coming-back-into-your-life crystal-grifting brain rot on TikTok and YouTube is. I like the crystals because they’re shiny, that’s it. Sparkly rocks.

Anyway, I’m back in time for Halloween with more decks of cards and while I could use them for introspective shadow work, here on Destructoid I use them to answer video game questions. My new initiate, Occams, will be chipping in!

Together we shall channel The Morrigan. That could be Morrigan Aensland from Darkstalkers or the one from Dragon Age or Smite. Whatever. She has many faces and gets around. Word is, a version of her and some fairies caused trouble for Clu-Clu Land or something.

Before we begin, the decks we’ll be using are The Pulp Tarot by Todd Alcott, The Children of Litha Tarot by Xia Hunt, The Corrupted Tarot and The Chromatic Fates Tarot authored by Stephanie Cost, and The Wandering Spirit Tarot by Haenuli Shin.

Let’s get to the questions and flip some cards!

Neronium – When am I getting Megaman Legends 3?

We’ll get things started with Todd Alcott’s Pulp Tarot.

The theme of this reading is Death. This card always gets a bad rap; people think it’s all gloom and doom or someone will die, but the Death card also signifies endings as well as new beginnings. Let’s roll with that.

The reversed Three of Swords symbolizes the mending of a broken heart. It hurts to know Megaman Legends 3 may never come to be, but people have kept hope alive in their own ways. Just look at One Step From Eden!  It keeps the spirit of Megaman Battle Network alive; undoubtedly, someone could do the same for MML.

And maybe that’s the wake-up call or rapturous day of reckoning Capcom needs, to either make the sequel or at least a spiritual successor. Or that Judgement card means a zombie or robot apocalypse. Zombie robots!

But the reversed Page of Cups may indicate a creative block or obstacle. Or maybe it’s just the popularity of Lady Dimitrescu stealing Megaman Volnutt’s thunder. I mean, how do you top a nearly ten-foot vampire lady?

Actually, don’t answer that.

FakePlasticTree – Will Capcom ever acknowledge Dino Crisis?

We’ll use Xia Hunt’s Children of Litha Tarot next.

Ah, the Queen of Swords, my personal stalker card. Always finds her way into my daily personal readings. She’s a no-nonsense, straightforward thinker, who doesn’t care for the bluster of the lords/ladies/Karens in her court. She’s tasted life with all its ups and downs and long reflected on them

So, what we have here are three reversals. Not always great, but not always bad, either.

For example, we have the overturned Seven of Cups, which can pertain to a dazzling array of choices and also ill-advised temptations. Does Tony Stark build Ultron? Does Professor Pym do it instead? Maybe we just don’t build Ultron. In her wisdom of differing options (and knowledge of ill-advised Jurassic Park sequels), the Queen has decided to turn it all away and feels Dino Crisis is just a non-starter no matter what upsides it was said to have.

The upended Nine of Wands said there was no spark, no motivation to continue. It is tiring and potate. Finally, the also-reversed Ace of Pentacles means there was no funding or profit in creating it.

So, sadly, no Dino Crisis. The Queen blames Chris Pratt and rightly so, for he has ruined dinosaurs and Mario.

Seymour – Will the modern, more mixed impressions of Silent Hill 4: The Room keep it from ever getting a remaster?

Justice takes the lead here, and she shall weigh Silent Hill 4: The Room’s worth. It is an off-beat, strange installment, but if Silent Hill can move to Japan and infect people with flowers, it can be an apartment complex that torments Tommy Wiseau, too.

So, if all goes well with the upcoming releases and remakes, the Knight of Pentacles feels it would be good to move forward with that success into Silent Hill 3 and Silent Hill 4. He would finance them well and try to address their criticisms.

But the reversed Queen of Wands suggests this could face the possible roadblock of Konami’s usual inclinations. Much like Knights usually are, the Queen of Wands is all about movement, but her firey passion could go in the wrong direction like Kid Dracula pachinko machines or Gradius NFTs, so the Knight of Pentacles will have to steer her toward Silent Hill again.

In the Nine of Pentacles, we find two antelope grazing in a lush, well-maintained field. If the knight guides our wayward queen true and they steer clear of another unwarranted Castlevania Apple Arcade game, there will be extravagant and horrifying remakes to come. The knight and queen will enter Silent Hill and experience their own personal hells; the antelope will become infected with flowers and try to kill them, and we will have justice.

Torchman – Regirock with the following clip of its anime cry:

Ah, a Pokémon with a question. This is perfect for Occams!

Occams: Okay, so I’ve listened to Regirock’s sound a few dozen times, enough to where I think it’s settled into my brain, like a whale’s call. Does anyone else hear knocking?

I’ve never done a tarot reading before but it seems like these cards are pretty badass from what I can tell. The theme is the Ace of Wands. While neither a line of high-end fantasy-themed sex toys nor a reality TV show set in Hogwarts, it does represent new beginnings, creativity, and growth. So yeah, off to a good start.

Then you have the Page of Coins, a decidedly ’60’s folk band name. This one is all about ambition and success. Growth and potential. Like just before the ugly girl in an ’80s movie took her glasses off and became super hot. The next draw is the King of Wands. Big hit. Like getting an extra mozzarella stick with your appetizer order. This one represents leadership, boldness, and taking control. You’re not even asking if these mints are complimentary, you’re just taking one. Yes, you will add bacon to that, thank you. Free samples? Life is a free sample and Regirock is here for it.

I forgot to eat lunch.

The last card is the reversed Eight of Swords. Capping off a banner reading is a great card. You’ve got freedom, release, and empowerment. It’s one of those tampon commercials where all the women are wearing white and dancing to music you can’t hear. It’s a speed metal cover of the Reading Rainbow theme. All smiles while flying high.

So basically, Regirock is living a charmed existence and asking a question whose answer is undoubtedly yes, yes, yes.

Unfortunately, that question is “Should I attempt another January 6th riot and overthrow the government?”

Well, shit.

Dephoenix – Chibi Robo Switch port when?

So the Tower is another one of those ominous, feared cards that gets a bad rap, but it’s like how a mall is bright and lively by day, but really creepy when you’re closing shop and the last person leaving. It symbolizes a definitive and possibly destructive end to something; like that time Kefka got the Warring Triad’s powers.

But it checks out. The folks behind Skip Ltd. are all but gone and they made Chibi Robo, last seen in 2015. The Ten of Wands says that’s too much to take on alone and the Six of Cups suggests it’s certainly a task that would need to be shared.

But for now, a reversed Sun suggests the playground is empty and the outlook is cloudy at best.

Zalno – How likely do you think the staff from G4 2.0 will create their own venture now that the channel is dead? 

The Fool takes the stage on this question, meaning anything is possible. They are a wild card, full of potential and wonder. Once someone completes the Fool’s journey and has seen the world, they may return to their roots to begin a new adventure.

So familiar territory for a lot of folks in that line of work. Here we have a reverse King of Swords, a King of Pentacles, and a reverse Knight of Pentacles. The G4 folks knowing what they know now, who would they go with?

The reverse King of Swords abuses his authority and speech. His intellect, which is lower than he would like to admit, needs to coddled and he might buy a social media platform so his self-aggrandization is boosted by sycophantic, racist assclowns.

The King of Pentacles is wise and shrewd with money. He’d likely support a more independent and well-curated venture like a podcast to start and then build out from there to a blog and video platforms.

The reverse Knight of Pentacles, well, he’d also be a piece of work. Ads inside ads, so you see ads while you ad or try to comment. He loves Overwatch and wonders why it never really hits big in major league competitive spaces. He invests in depressed chimpanzees and vacant, MMO-like metaverses that make Ultima Online look deeply advanced.

Leaning King of Pentacles here. He’s not sexy, but he certainly has dignity.

GoofierBrute – Will Rare ever make a new Perfect Dark game?

So the Corruption Tarot likes to flip the script on the tarot cards, depicting what the dark or inverted version of the traditional card might be. The Magician depicted upright would normally symbolize someone with extroverted or masculine energy. Someone who shows initiative and the willingness to realize an idea.

Microsoft owns enough studios to make a competent single-player FPS. They could have Rare work with id Software or Machine Games and that would be reasonable, but this Magician looks like he’d simp for Darkseid or Bobby Kotick, so it would probably be paired with Activision.

But a reversed Three of Cups here is the upright version, so this lady is not getting stood up on the girl’s night out. She’s partying with her friends. Good times, at least starting out.

The reversed Star here reobtains the original meaning and so the team behind it feels inspired, to say the least. But then we have the Tower here also asserting the original intent, and with the wrong guy up top in the Magician, well, we know where this is going.

Microtransactions and awkward, embarrassing, gross Bill Cosby tributes.

RLZ – Will there be a curse on Bayonetta 3 because of The Stuff?

Here is the Wandering Spirit Tarot.

Sometimes with tarot queries, the intention and energy of the question must be shifted a little to be read better. The Bayonetta 3 controversy sure has been thing, run its course, and to shift the energy away from that “the stuff” is now “The Stuff.’

Take it away, Occams!

Occams: How does something become cursed? A powerful emotion changing the nature of an object or person? Perhaps supernatural interference from forces beyond our understanding? Maybe an alien parasite marketed as a new snack sensation that actually turns people into Sludge Zombies. The answer is all of the above. But will The Stuff affect Bayonetta 3? Let’s see what the cards have to say.

Now to start we have the Queen of Cups. Not only the name of a tourist bar that waters down the drinks, it also represents compassion and warmth. A decidedly un-curse-like quality. Interesting. Though the Stuff did cause a sense of euphoria before ultimately consuming its victims from the inside out and turning them into Sludge Zombies.

Next up we have the King of Pentacles. Now I don’t know what a pentacle is exactly but I do know that this card represents abundance, prosperity, and being a provider. Okay, this is starting to make sense. The Stuff provides. The Stuff is abundant. In the 1985 horror movie The Stuff, the titular Stuff quickly overtakes ice cream as the best-selling sweet treat in the country before it is discovered that it turns people into Sludge Zombies.

Real quick shout-out to Sludge Zombies—that’s a wonderful qualifier as a zombie type. Wet, sticky horror is the best. Like who wants their horror dry? Mummies? Pfffft. Old and busted. Now a wet mummy? Okay, I’m picking up what you’re putting down. Okay, back to the reading.

Next up, we have the King of Cups. Wisdom. Diplomacy. Devotion. Think Mr. Rogers. But he’s a Sludge Zombie. Somehow still comforting and reassuring.

And finally, the reversed Ten of Wands. Oof, our first bump on the tarot highway. Collapse. Breakdown. Failure to delegate. This is where it falls apart. You have people all over the country turning into Sludge Zombies and it’s all because this company decided to sell goop they found in a cave as an alternative to ice cream. The moral of the story here is don’t eat things you find on the ground, especially in caves.

And you may be wondering how a 1985 B-horror film that was a send-up of consumerism could place a curse on Bayonetta 3?

It can’t.

Cockaroach – Can we truly expect any new Silent Hill to be good without the oversight of the original Team Silent devs?

So we see the Six of Pentacles here. Looks like Konami is doing some devs a real solid to help get Silent Hill off the ground again. It’s a very sharing and nostalgia-driven card in some respects.

The Queen of Swords is back, a leader to guide them true. Don’t cast Leonard DiCaprio or Mark Ruffalo in one of these, as that might be too on the nose. Try not to put the psychological manifestation of rape into every game, and also Bomberman. Keep the little elementary school demons with knives. That sort of thing.

King of Wands emerges as well. He, too, knows what makes a Silent Hill game satisfying, and, hopefully, it’s a passion that comes before meeting rigid deadlines and is anti-crunch.

But the Devil is here. He’s another card that bears some explanation, though. His appearance isn’t the manifestation of evil so much as temptation, addiction, vices, bondage, and the like. But he doesn’t force these things—it’s your choice to take it or walk away.

Nostalgia is something tempting to corrupt. Silent Hill 2 in particular is a darling among survival horror games, and unlike Resident Evil 4, it’s not been on everything to the point you can get away with having a new take on it.

Hopefully, everyone knows what that game means and knows to leave the best of it alone.

Taterchimp – Will we ever get a good turn-based Final Fantasy again?

Well, the Sun is rising here and the naked lady is sweetly holding her skeleton friend in her arms. Good times are ahead, as are fond memories.

A Page of Cups holds both naive and optimistic views of what they feel. They approach what they love with hope and enthusiasm. They like the old, cute sprites of classic Final Fantasy games, but the Hierophant reversed suggests they struggle with traditional turn-based play. They probably started with FFX and may have gone as far back as the FFVIII and IX remasters, but they’re more into FFXIV and FFXV.

But that isn’t necessarily bad, yet the reversed Nine of Cups says they may not be able to realize everything they want to. I sense an Octopath Traveler or Triangle Strategy situation. A game where you get the color down, but it might not have the exact shape, so the game will get a weird name that isn’t Final Fantasy.

Kinda like how my monk can’t suplex a train in FFXIV, but is otherwise Sabin in spirit.

EtosiGiR – What’s Pyramid Head’s deal?

With this being the last question and the final Silent Hill question, we’ll close out with Occams.

Occams: As a child of the late ’80s/early ’90s, I can only read this question in Jerry Seinfeld’s voice. I think we’ve all been wondering just what is Pyramid Head’s deal. Like is its head just a flesh pyramid underneath the helmet, and does it poop? Let’s turn to the cards for answers.

Okay, first up we have the Hermit. Not a big surprise that this represents isolation and introspection. You couldn’t have picked a better card. Isolation and introspection are the chocolate and peanut butter of psychological horror.

Next up is the Eight of Pentacles. I’ll tell you what, if I had eight pentacles, I’d quit my job tomorrow. This card represents skill, craftsmanship, and dedication. Obviously, this references Pyramid Head’s sword. It takes dedication to lug the front end of a Buick around and stab things with it. Just ask Guts.

Our third card is the Hanged Man. Doesn’t seem like a great draw if you’re asking about your personal life but spot-on for us. Sacrifice, uncertainty, and a lack of direction. I am impressed with just how much the cards are nailing Silent Hill 2.

The final card is the Emperor. Thoughts of Warhammer 40k aside, this one represents stability, structure, and authority. Makes sense. An interesting draw for Pyramid Head. Authority I can see. Walk softly and carry the front end of a Buick. But stability? Structure? Silent Hill in general never felt like anything but a fever dream wrapped in uncooked bacon and barbed wire. So what is Pyramid Head’s deal? Ever pop a zit and have the core shoot out like a tiny little bullet? Pyramid Head is the bullet.

Have a Happy Halloween, everyone!

About The Author
Whispering Willow
Member of the Destructoid community team, moderator, keeper of rulebooks, hunter (or is that hoonter?), part-time Roegadyn dark knight and aspiring queen of the fairies. My favorite weapons are the claymore, the Mk. 22 tranquilizer pistol and the banhammer.
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