How to trim a Daisy
Welcome back to Comments of the Week, where your boy Dreamweaver is back with a bunch of comments from the best community in the entire internets… (*looks at what’s written in my palm*)… Destructoid!
Aw, I’m just pulling your leg! Of course Destructoid is the best site in the world… because I’m here. While you can bow in my honor on your own time, why don’t we take a break from whatever the hell you’re doing and just relax with all of the truthiest, funniest, and weirdest comments said by you, the people who worship me. As always, comments are placed into three distinct categories such as:
TRUTH: did you know jelly beans used to be purchased separately by color?
LOL: just like hookers!
WUT?: and they both get sticky when you lick them.
If you haven’t seen the last Comments of the Week… then sucks to be you, because it’s NEVER going to air again. That’s right, you jerk! You thought you could ignore ME and just check it out when YOU feel like it? Well, too bad, bitch! How does it feel? HOW DOES IT FEEL?
…What do you mean “once it’s on the internet, it never goes away?“
From Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare’s multiplayer beta will be a pre-order bonus
Dreamweaver: Because “free” rhymes with “money”, and they misheard.
From Mafia III rhymes with DLC, baby!
Dreamweaver: Looks like Hypno Coffin needs the Mafia part.
From Rumor: Marston rides again in Red Dead Redemption remastered
Dreamweaver: Then what’s the 9th Gen going to look like? A super shiny version of 7th Gen 2?
From Nintendo offers its weirdest update yet for Pokemon Sun and Moon
Dreamweaver: Well, there must be some reason why Ash hasn’t aged a bit…
From Remember ‘No Mai, No Buy?’ Check her out in Dead or Alive 5
Dreamweaver: I thought squirrels liked nuts.
Alternate joke: this squirrel better not STEEL her from me.
Alternate alternate joke: looks like this squirrel has a steel stiffy.
From Nintendo axed yet another Samus appearance this year
Dreamweaver: They tried, but there wasn’t mushroom in the can.
From Miyamoto announces a new Super Mario game for iOS devices
Dreamweaver: What hookers say before they sleep with me.
From PS4 Pro releases on November 10 for $399
Dreamweaver: Strange, I thought he would’ve went with tacos.
From PS4 Pro will not support UHD Blu-ray
Dreamweaver: “How many people do you think own a 4K TV?”
There’s a 4K joke in there somewhere.
From Sony to Bethesda: No mods on PlayStation 4
Dreamweaver: Like camgirls.
From Review: Mother Russia Bleeds
Dreamweaver: There is no Nekro, only Dennis.
…Imagine I said that in a lovely singing voice.
From 12 minutes of unadulterated Sonic Mania
Dreamweaver: “Got to follow my rainbow…”
Bring me back some Skittles.
From PlayStation 4 games compatible with PS4 Pro via ‘Forward Compatibility’
Dreamweaver: What I lack with women.
From Do you guys like Final Fantasy’s Snow Villiers?
Dreamweaver: I don’t know, I think Lightning and me on a beach sounds lovely.
From You can chat with cam girls and play Virtua Fighter 5 in Yakuza 6
Dreamweaver: Wait a minute, is “throwing money at the screen” a euphemism for…?
Y’all perverts.
From Ulala and her swingin’ report show return in VR
Dreamweaver: What girls say about my penis. 🙁
From Nintendo is giving away the NX in a Splatoon tourney before we know what it is
Dreamweaver: Explains why Nintendo games have questional online functionality.
From The PS4 Pro is up for pre-order on Amazon
Dreamweaver: I think that same thing happens when girls try to hit me up on dating sites.
From NESBox passes certification for release on Xbox One
Dreamweaver: I like how Peter’s profile picture matches his reaction exactly.
From Comments of the Week 85 – Beauty and the Beast
Dreamweaver: Boy, he ’bout to do it.
Dreamweaver: Boy, he did it!
Dreamweaver: Psh, I know someone who can kill you immediately for only $73.95. Shipping and handling not included.
From Lindsay Lohan vs Rockstar thrown out as GTA V ‘likeness’ was deemed a parody
Dreamweaver: Yet Nick at Nite keeps showing the Lindsay Lohan remake of The Parent Trap.
Dreamweaver: I’m willing to bet there’s a porn parody of this.
From Is Rainbow Six Siege getting a second season?
Dreamweaver: NakedBigBoss brought the hot sauce ’cause he just got burned!
From The first official Mass Effect: Andromeda gameplay looks a lot like Destiny
Dreamweaver: How oddly specific.
From New peripherals for PlayStation 4, Slim, and PS4 Pro
Dreamweaver: The urethra?
From Zaboru’s Quickpost
Dreamweaver: “Relax, I’m over 18…” INCHES!
…
Millimeters. 🙁
From Zaboru’s Quickpost
Dreamweaver: I thought the “n’ was an “r’ and thought “how do you squirt suspiciously?”
And that’s it for this edition, folks! If you liked what you read, then go on and chat about all of your favorite comments said by me. Oh, and those other people who I make fun of, because I suppose they deserve some credit too. I guess. I mean, they didn’t do anything. Lazy bums.
