Clue gets unnecessary update; Professor Plum now a videogame designer

Hasbro has just announced that it will be replacing all future copies of classic board game Clue with a brand new, updated version for “today’s tabloid culture.” Ugh.

The six main characters are keeping their last names (thank God!), but their first names and bios are changing. Miss Scarlet, for example, will now be referred to as Kasandra Scarlet, a famous actress who appears in all the tabloids. In an update relevant to our interests, Professor Plum is now Victor Plum, a billionaire videogame designer.

In addition to these character changes, there are also some other updates, such as new weapons (bye-bye, revolver!) and rooms in the mansion (really? A spa?).

Some of you may be thinking: What’s the big deal? It’s just a board game. Who cares? I would normally agree with you, but why fix what isn’t broken? Clue is such a classic part of so many people’s childhoods. Why screw with that? I just hate that so many things as of late are getting “Shrek-ified,” meaning loaded with current, “hip” pop culture references that will not be funny or meaningful in as short as a few years.

First stop, board games; next stop, videogames. What’s next? Mario the plumber becoming Valentino Mario, the gay, Italian fashion designer who guest judges on Project Runway?

[Via Associated Press]

Chad Concelmo