At least the cavemen finish you off …

This weekend, aside from being self-destructive in Miami, I also purchased a new LCD television. It’s gorgeous and honestly I’m tempted to just give up women and devote my life to figuring out how I can copulate with an LCD substrate. Why am I telling you all this? Is it to generate jealousy in an audience prone to violence and crazy stalker-ish tendencies? No, friends, it’s to segue into the above commercial!

The first thing that came on my television (in glorious high-definition), was the above commercial. I became so excited for what should be, by all rights, a new Katamari game! Of course, you wait until the end of the commercial for the payoff, and you wind up with the biggest case of azure scrotum since you dated that girl in eighth grade who made a habit of wearing a ring on every finger.

About The Author
Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.
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