[Every week (until I get bored), Art Juice takes a recent videogame story and provides an unremittingly artistic slant, telling us a little something about ourselves in the process … whether we want to know the truth or not!]
Usually, Art Juice is all about puncturing your feelings with a needle of provocation, but after playing Star Wars: The Old Republic for a while, I’ve got Jedi on the brain. With that in mind, I’ve designed an original character for the game, which I am hoping BioWare will put in.
My character is called Vader Fett, and he trained Darth Sidious while inventing the Death Star. He has a light saber with a sword bit and also two dagger bits, which does a million damage and he used it to beat Obi Wan Kenobi in a fight once, and also he fought Yoda and Yoda was scared of him. He is also secretly Han Solo’s brother but he’s a better pilot than Han Solo and also has bigger muscles (than him).
I think this is a good character and should be adopted into official Star Wars canon. I also could write some stories about the time he enslaved the whole planet of the Chewbaccas and they were all really frightened and he beat them all without any weapons and they all had big guns.