Arms manufacturer in hot water over Super Scope-inspired rocket launcher (Fauxclusive)

Blast Bowser straight to hell

A North Carolina arms manufacturer is facing backlash today after it posted a picture on Instagram of its new shoulder mounted rocket launcher modeled after the SNES Super Scope.

The man-portable air-defense-system, known as the Blitzkrieg Bazooka, was designed by Biton Industries as a one-off custom build for a prized client.

“One of our most faithful customers, whose name I can’t disclose right now as he is currently wanted by 13 different nations for drug trafficking, asked us to design a weapon that would appeal to his son, to get him excited about joining the family business,” explained Biton spokesman Cecil Carver. “We totally get that. 90’s video game nostalgia is really big right now with the millennial drug kingpins and terrorists. Last month we designed a pair of brass knuckles that looked like a Power Glove and we’ve even had requests for Sega Activator land mines.”

After the picture went live, Carver says the company was inundated with requests for the weapon. Most, however, are unhappy with its decision to turn a nearly forgotten peripheral into a weapon powerful enough to blow up a tank. Carver says Biton has received thousands of complaints through email and on its Facebook page. 

“People argue that designing a rocket launcher to look like a toy is irresponsible because it might make children want to play with it,” Carver said. “That’s ridiculous. We believe it doesn’t matter what it looks like because responsible rocket launcher owners know to keep their weapons locked up away from little hands and only take them out in extreme emergencies, like if they need to shoot down a police helicopter.”

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CJ Andriessen
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