Animal Crossing amiibo Festival Drinking Games

Fucked up, gonna get fucked up

Driving, sex, and watching baseball: what do these three things have in common? They can all be made better with alcohol.* The same can be said for board games. From beer checkers to battle shots, mankind has found fun and exciting ways to combine our love of leisure activities with our favorite adult drinks. I am continuing that tradition with Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival.

As we enter the holiday season, there’s a chance you’ll end up getting this game as a gift if you’ve ever once mentioned you play video games. It can come from an unsuspecting aunt, a grandparent who is trying to show they’re hip or a girlfriend who is clearly paying more attention to the guy she’s seeing behind your back. If you do end up with the game, don’t return it to the store. Instead, crack that baby open and sell the Isabelle amiibo on Amazon for $40. With that money in your pocket, head down to your local liquor store and stock up for a night of drunken debauchery with these problem-alcoholic-approved amiibo Festival drinking games.

Miller’s (Light) Crossing

We start with a game for the lightweights among us. You know who they are, the boys and girls who begin to slur their words before they’ve finished their second drink. For them, I present Miller’s (Light) Crossing. This game keeps it simple by utilizing only the most basic aspects of the board game. For Miller’s (Light) Crossing, any type of light alcoholic beverage can be used. White wine, Zima, Bartles and Jaymes, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Redd’s Apple Ale… basically any drink you’d find in a Connecticut sorority house refrigerator.

Take a drink when:

• You miss a special space
• Roll a one twice in a row
• Come in second, third or fourth in a bug catching/fishing contest
• You’re the last to complete the stamp square (or don’t complete it at all)
• Share a spot with another player (both players drink)
• It’s a Holiday

Finish your drink when:

• You come in last place at the end of the game.

Crazy Redd Solo Cup

For those of us who can plow through a six-pack before we even start to feel it, I present Crazy Redd Solo Cup. This game goes a bit deeper into the amiibo Festival experience by adding the “excitement” of character visits. Throughout a single session of the game, you will no doubt be visited by a few characters, sometimes multiple times. These characters, should you land on their space, will offer up opportunities or games that can help or hinder you. For Crazy Redd Solo Cup, how you fare with those characters will either keep you sober, or get you drunk.

For this game you’ll need step up the alcohol quality and quantity. Ditch the light stuff and grab a case of your favorite mass market beer. If it has a commercial featuring people in their 20s partying, a guy eye-fucking a Clydesdale, or some dude droning on and on about the water in Colorado, it’s perfect for this game. Couple that drink with your favorite hard alcohol for shots and you’re ready to go.

Take a drink:

• If you fail to land on a special space
• Do not win the Phineas game
• If the number card you win from Katie is less than four
• If you get a number card from Dr. Shrunk
• If someone has a tarot card from Katrina and you help them by rolling their number
• Give money to Joan
• When you land on a Purple Happy Points & Bells space
• Somebody takes Bells from you
• Share a pink spot with another player (both players drink)

Take a shot:

• If you go into debt.
• Share a purple spot with another player (both players take shots)
• Opposite Day puts you on a purple space
• Fail to roll more than six on Twice Dice Day

Finish your drink:

• Sell your turnips at a loss
• When you come in last place at the end of the game.

A Whole Lottie Alcohol

For the heaviest of heavy drinker, we present A Whole Lottie Alcohol. There is a lot to remember with this game, so it’s best to have your designated driver around to remind you of the rules 30 minutes in when you’re long past shitfaced. For A Whole Lottie Alcohol, we’re combining some of the rules found above with new ones guaranteed to have your head in the toilet by the end of the night. Just like Crazy Redd Solo Cup, you’ll need to pair your favorite shot with a beer.

Take a drink:

• If you go into debt and each day after you’re still in the negative
• When you come in second or third in a fishing/bug catching contest.
• If you fail to land on a special space
• Do not win the Phineas’ game
• If the number card you win from Katie is less than four
• If you get a number card from Dr. Shrunk
• If someone has a tarot card from Katrina and you help them by rolling their number
• Give money to Joan outside of buying her turnips
• When you land on a Purple Happy Points & Bells space
• Somebody takes Bells from you
• Share a pink spot with another player (both players drink)
• Roll a one twice in a row

Take a shot:

• If you go into negative Happy Points
• When you don’t roll doubles on Twice Dice Day
• When you come in last in a fishing/bug catching contest.
• When you’re the last to finish the stamp square (or don’t finish at all)
• Share a purple spot with another player (both players take shots)
• Opposite Day puts you on a purple space
• When you don’t collect the most candy (during October)

Finish your drink:

• Anytime someone asks you why you bought this game
• When your character in the game takes a correspondence course.
• When it’s a holiday.

Finish everybody’s drink:

• If you come in last at the end of the game

Now, if you don’t have an hour or so to enjoy any of the games I’ve listed above and you’d rather just get drunk as quickly as possible, I got you covered. In as little as five minutes you can get soused through Sunday with one of these drinking games that utilize the mini-games found in amiibo Festival.

Wet & Wild World

Balloon Island will probably be the mini-game you play the most after Desert Island Escape. This Plinko-style game is easy to play, tasking you with dropping a character onto a small island while bouncing off of balloons worth different points. The island isn’t that big, which means there’s always a chance you’ll end up in the water.

Take a drink when:

• You end up in the water

This game only lasts three rounds, so you want to make sure the liquor you’re drinking is strong. I mean really strong. So strong an old man would say this alcohol puts hair on your chest even though you’re a girl, strong.

Are You Drunker than a 5th Grader?

Quiz Show is both the most obvious mini-game found in amiibo Festival and the most poorly implemented. Not only do you have to know the correct answer to the question (which sometimes requires an encyclopedic knowledge of the Animal Crossing series), but you’re also required to time your guess correctly in order to have the opportunity to answer. Eventually the game breaks down to just four people fighting over one NFC reader, even when sober. It’s really a mess, but the Are You Drunker than a 5th Grader? drinking game celebrates that mess.

Take a drink when:

• You try to answer a questions when it’s not your turn
• You don’t attempt to answer the question at all

Take two drinks when:

• You get the answer incorrect

You choose who takes a drink when:

• You get the answer right

Because this game could have you taking north of 15 shots in just a few minutes, our lawyers have informed us we cannot tell you to play this with hard alcohol. Something about alcohol poisoning, criminal negligence, yadda-yadda-yadda. Instead, try beer shots. I suggest a higher caliber of beer, like a porter from your local microbrewery or one of those craft beers that thinks it invented hops. Just try not to spill too much on the Wii U controller, those things are expensive.

Schlitz Family Robinson

Desert Island Escape is made for one player, but when you get two friends involved it can turn into an easy co-operative drinking adventure. The object of the game is to find the pieces you need to make a raft and get off of one of thirty different islands. As you traverse these isles, you’ll find tools that will aid you in your journey. You’ll also find creatures that attack you, holes that swallow you up and bees that can sting you. For Schlitz Family Robinson, each player controls one character and you punish those who don’t pull their weight.

Take a drink when:

• You fail to defeat a wild creature (or run away)
• You fail to catch a fish
• You fail to get some honey (or run away)
• You fail to get out of a hole
• You waste a step going onto a square you didn’t need to

Finish your drink when

• You fail to get off the island

As easily the most worthwhile game found in amiibo Festival, Schlitz Family Robinson is meant to be played over several rounds. Stick with your favorite beer or wine and get buzzed slowly throughout the night. This game isn’t a race to see who will be first to pray to the porcelain God, it’s a journey.

*This is, obviously, a joke as there is no amount of alcohol that can make watching baseball enjoyable.