[Editor’s note: megaStryke tells us the best way to play with ourselves when on a long trip for his Monthly Musing piece. — CTZ]
Why haven’t you packed your things yet? You are leaving in half an hour! Okay, it’s actually more like two hours because your mom never seems to be ready on time despite her hounding on the rest of family the night before. The cooler is packed in the back seat, all the luggage minus her toiletries bag is stowed away, and the gas tank is fit to burst, but somehow we aren’t going to leave at the designated time and it is everybody else’s fault but her own. Somehow. Don’t mention it to her. It’s a death wish. The last thing you want is to spend the next eight hours cramped in the back seat as mom’s silent rage rains shards of ice on everyone. So shaddup and pack your things!
But eight hours … man, I hope you can keep yourself busy. Forget the books or the idle chatter because we both know road trips mean Game Boy marathons! Would you really want to do anything else? What else IS there? Several gut-busting rounds of 20 Questions? Screw that! The open road is handheld heaven! Just you and the spinach-green flicker of the screen for hundreds of miles! But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait … slow down, chief! What are you doing? There are some rules you must abide by! Let me educate you. We’ve got plenty of time.
1. Select the Appropriate Hardware
What have you got? Game Boy? Game Boy Pocket? Game Boy Color? You can’t really go wrong with any one of them. They were made for the road! Battery life with these everlasting bad boys shouldn’t be a concern no matter how long your trip is, but it never hurts to bring along a spare pack of batteries just in case. What you should avoid at all costs, and I can’t stress this enough, are these handheld imposters like Game Gear or whatever whosits … whatever! The other guys don’t matter! Have you tried whipping a Neo Geo Pocket out in public? People stare. What in the world is that? Get the hell out of here, kid! Game Gear? Don’t get me started! Sure, it LOOKS like a portable, but six AAs? For like fifteen minutes of play? Don’t you dare shove that car charger in my face! Would you make a mockery of the road trip handheld experience by tethering yourself to the cigarette lighter? Keep it in the family, son. The Game Boy family.
2. Select the Appropriate Accessories
You are in the back seat. You brother or sister is sitting next to you being the quintessential pest. Mom and dad are in the front seat, which means they get to choose what plays on the radio or the tape deck. Between “He’s touching me!” from one end and the Miami Sound Machine from the other, your attention can’t be adequately focused on gaming. Drown out the noise with a nice pair of headphones, preferably of the ear bud persuasion so you can wrap the cord around the Game Boy for quick and easy storage at a moment’s notice. Also keep in mind the hours during which you will be traveling. Despite the concentrated awesome oozing from your pocket pal, all that excess joy will not manifest into proper backlighting. Do your eyes a favor and grab a light attachment. I hear that Pelican makes some pretty killer light shields!
And once again, batteries!
3. CHOOSE YOUR TRAVEL SOFTWARE CAREFULLY!
I have drawn extra attention to this particular instruction because it is super-duper important. I know how proud you are of your extensive collection of gray software bricks, lined up ever so neatly in rows alphabetically inside your hard plastic, Nintendo-themed carrying case. In a moment of jubilation, you may think to drag the whole stockpile with you. NO! Heavens, no! Exercise common sense! The more you bring, the more likely you are to leave behind a treasured title or two under the mattress at the Holiday Inn. Be practical as well. You aren’t going to play all of those, silly child! You’ve gotta narrow your selection down to three or four key titles, five at the most.
Maybe the ‘rents bought you a fresh new game pak. Do you have a backlog that you’d like to tackle? Perhaps you are in a Balloon Kid mood. Personally, I had a software bank of golden winners from which I would always grab one or two for every vacation, cycling through my picks on successive trips. Okay, the bank was just Mega Man games, I, III, IV, and V. Not II. II sucks. Now, aside from your mains, always have one or two backups in case your enjoyment of the headliners peters out. Chances are you’ll never touch it, but it’s good to have something to fall back on, something that can provide a light distraction in a pinch without demanding serious attention away from your core selection. Might I suggest Catrap?
Never underestimate the strength of a diverse travel library and do not repeat software combinations, at least for the next few trips. Heaven forbid you should fail to abide by my travel software edict and find yourself with the Game Boy stashed away in disgust as you endure another rousing edition of Road Bingo with the folks.
4. Organize Your Carrying Case
You’ve got your portable, the necessary doodads, and a killer playlist, so you are good to go, right? Wrong, home slice! Where are you gonna store all these goodies? Not stuffed in your pocket, I hope! You aren’t going to stash them at the bottom of your backpack, pray tell? Unless that backpack is rocking some heavy-duty zipper pouches, better invest in a miniature carrying case. Something small and soft yet spacious and sturdy. You want your gear to fit snugly so as to avoid excess jiggling. Jiggling causes scratching. Try to keep portable, accessories, and paks segregated if possible. The more compartments, the better.
5. EXTRA: Air Travel
I think you are solid on the entertainment front, plus we’ve got time to spare to pack nonessentials like clothing and toothbrushes. However, I’d like to give you some advice for possible aviation adventures in the future. Everything I’ve mentioned prior still applies, but you must also be aware of the ever-watchful airline stewardesses. See, there is this nonsense about keeping electronic devices turned off during takeoff, initial descent, and landing procedures lest you accidentally disrupt the pilot’s navigation panel and send the plane hurtling into a death spiral. We both know that’s baloney, so why should you let little inconveniences like airline safety impede your virtual fun? During those three key phases, keep at least one bud dangling to listen out for approaching attendants. Be able to obscure the Game Boy at any second with that tattered copy of Sky Magazine until the coast is clear. Whatever you do, do not stop gaming. Otherwise, the terrorists win.
I can hear your mom’s harpish screeching by the garage door, which means she’s pissed that everyone isn’t already in the vehicle with the keys in the ignition. Hurry along now, and don’t forget to pass these rules on to your friends. Follow these steps and you’ll never dread another family road trip ever again. It worked for me, and it will work for you!
