Don’t go into the Blair Witch woods, idiot!

I can’t believe I need to tell you this

What are you doing with your life, moron? You’re just gonna saunter into some woods that are colloquially named after a witch? You shouldn’t! Why? Because there’s a goddang witch in there!

Here’s an exhaustive list of woods you should visit: The Dippin’ Dots Woods; The Box of Kittens Forest; The Everybody Gets A Free Car Woodlands; The Finding True Love National Park; The Definitely No Blair Witch Here Wildlands Preserve.

You need to see the Blair Witch Forest for the Blair Witch Trees. By that, I mean there could be a witch behind any of those trees. Go to the mall instead.