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News

Maple Story DS; A murloc! A murloc! My kingdom for a murloc!

Image of Earnest Cavalli
Earnest Cavalli
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Published: Apr 6, 2007 10:58 am

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The above video shows off the magical world of Maple Story in its upcoming Nintendo DS incarnation. The game itself is one of the most populous online games of all time, a feat which is almost definitely linked to its being free, and the fact that children are inexplicably drawn to adorable, bloated mushroom creatures.

The game is particularly popular in the Orient, a land abandoned by Our High Holy Father, where the women have vaginas that slant from east to west and the men are made almost entirely out of pig iron! Such a lawless place has no use for simple Christian concepts like reconciliatory flagellation and good, old fashioned wife beating, so they must, instead, fill their days with trivial games such as the above spectacle. Dear readers, if you ever find yourself in the Far East, heed my words: trust no man, and eat not of any food containing “tofu”. Such a false meat is a work of The Divell, of that you should have no doubt.

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Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.