Video Gaming Truths

As a gamer I know that there are things that all gamers believe to be universal truths about every video game out there. Since the first games hit the arcades, there are some unspoken rules that must apply to almost every video game made, like "When enemies die, they must blink before they disappear" and "All projectile objects will move slow enough for you to dodge, including bullets." There are also universal thoughts that all gamers share, like "Escort missions are so evil that after 50 failed attempts, you wanna kill the person yourself" or "Why would anyone name a character, Cao Pi or Poo and not think its funny?". Well this is my list of universal truths for video games. I hope I didn't miss any. 1. Final Fantasy is not really final. It will just keeps on going and going. 2. For every 2 good consoles a company produces, they will produce one that will not sell well. 3. Video game boobies will never move the way they're really suppose to. 4. No matter what anyone says, you need hot video game chicks because no one wants to play as a fat, old broad. 5. A video game hero can wear glasses and still be cool, as long as he carries a crowbar. 6. Other than the occasional miracle that slips through, any game based on a movie or TV show will blow goats. 7. The Mushroom Kingdom's guards should be fired. 8. It's only considered A.I. if the enemies actually have a chance of outsmarting us. (Give us an enemy that's just a flaming head and he really doesn't have much of a chance against us to begin with.) 9. If the company claims they're showing actually screenshots of the game play, and they look incredible, then chances are they're for the cinematics. 10. After being stuck on a level or puzzle for several hours, you'll always find out that it can be solved by the simplest little thing you forgot to do. 11. Female characters never need bras, even if they have gigantic tits. 12. Winning by cheating doesn't take effort, but trying to avoid having your butt kicked by your opponents afterwards does. 13. Loading screens are only good when you need a bathroom break. 14. Nintendo players still wanna know, "What ever happened to King Koopa and Princess Toadstool?". 15. Invisible walls are a sign of lazy game developers. 16. Every original NES player wants to kill that dog from Duck Hunt. 17. Having to watch the same cut scene over and over again because you keep dying is just plain torture. 18. Even though your character can use their magic to reduce enemies to dust, you will still have to spend 4 hours running around dungeons to find a key to open one locked wooden door. 19. Characters can always carry more items on their person then a large U-Haul truck. 20. Female Ninjas apparently like to fight in the skimpiness outfits possible, probably to distract their enemies with a quick peek of their beaver. 21. No matter how many times you tell your parents which game you want, they will always get you the wrong one. And it will be the one your friends will make fun of you for. 22. For every great video game, there will always be a few crappy knock offs. 23. You will always find a glitch in the game that will cause it to restart or freeze hours after you last saved. 24. If there's a spot in the game where you can get permanently stuck between two objects, you will find it. 25. If you see food lying on the ground, it’s okay to eat it. 26. Everyone is still trying to figure out how exactly Bowser planned to do it with Princess Peach. Poor girl would have been ripped in two. 27. Weapons will always be found just laying around for you to pick up and use against your enemies. 28. You will always be the chosen one, and you can’t weasel your way out of it, no matter how many times you select no. 29. Gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names. 30. Evil forces are always out to get you, your village, or your girl. 31. Eventually if you break enough barrels/crates, you'll get something really cool. 32. With the proper support team, one man can save the world. 33. Death is not the end. It’s just a reason to throw the controller. 34. Having to level up your characters to get through to the next stage is extremely boring, and usually will result in our cheating. 35. No matter how old the ruins are, the ropes will always hold your weight. 36. A small wooden shield will always save you from fireballs and fire-breathing dragons. 37. The person you have to escort will always do the opposite action of a sane person - like run towards the enemies, instead of away. 38. Playing a specific tune on a magical instrument will cause something cool to happen. 39. Apparently in some video game worlds: - You can fight hords of enemies, throw fireballs from your hands, but jumping is somehow beyond your capabilities. - All characters will talk like they're in a bad B movie. - Video game cameras have minds of their own. - No matter what your character equips, it will always look the exact same as the last thing he wore. - If someone other than you dies, they will disappear. - People will always say the same thing over and over again no matter how many times you talk to them. - There will always be perfectly placed explosive barrels for you to blow up as a large group of enemies come running towards you. Got a few more video game truths? Add them to the list in the comments section.