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1:00 PM on 10.30.2014

We don't know what the heck is going on in Shadow Warrior

Max and I continue our journey through Shadow Warrior on PS4. We get really confused as to what was going on, so we finally turned on the subtitles. In doing so, we also discover the special weapon skins, including a badass Hotline Miami katana.

Bill Zoeker


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We took our anger out on the furniture in Shadow Warrior on PS4 photo
We took our anger out on the furniture in Shadow Warrior on PS4
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I decided to check out Shadow Warrior, which was recently ported from PC to consoles, is a re-imagining of the 1997 game by 3D Realms. It's sort of like Duke Nukem with the culturally ignorant Asian themes of Mortal Kombat. I had my doubts about this game, but as you can see in the video above, I think it's kind of just dumb fun. Also, we rock out to Stan Bush and make dumb jokes.

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What I want from Borderlands 3 photo
What I want from Borderlands 3
by Bill Zoeker

[WARNING: This video contains MAJOR SPOILERS for Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel]

I finished the story mode in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel the other day. which subtly teases what we might be seeing in Borderlands 3. It got me real excited, and seeing as I'm a big old Borderlands nerd; I couldn't help but postulate on what Borderlands 3 might be like... if it ever gets made.

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8 things right and 8 things wrong with Smash Bros. Wii U photo
8 things right and 8 things wrong with Smash Bros. Wii U
by Bill Zoeker

I recently got my hands on Super Smash Bros. For Nintendo Wii U, and holy Bowser babies, are there a lot of new and expanded features! In fact, there is so much new stuff that I could hardly cover it all, so instead I am sharing my boiled-down list of the 8 most interesting things that I think Nintendo has done well for Smash U, and the 8 things I think could use some work.

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Get nostalgic for Portland Retro Gaming Expo with these lovely photos photo
Get nostalgic for Portland Retro Gaming Expo with these lovely photos
by Max Scoville

If you live in the Pacific Northwest, perhaps you attended the fifth annual Portland Retro Gaming Expo which took place the weekend before last. If you didn't, well -- here's a lovely pile of photos that the talented Geoffrey Smith II was kind enough to take for us at this celebration of gaming from the days of yore, featuring cosplayers, special guests, and lots of games that require you to insert coins and/or blow on them to make them work.

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The Xbox One will get a $50 holiday price cut on November 2 photo
The Xbox One will get a $50 holiday price cut on November 2
by Chris Carter

Microsoft has just announced that the Xbox One will be getting another price cut outside of its Kinect-less model. The promotion will run from November 2, 2014 to January 3, 2015, and will feature $50 off bundles, ringing in the price at $349 in the US.

Bundles including Sunset Overdrive, Assassin's Creed: Unity, and Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. At this point, the system has enough games to warrant a purchase if you're interested, and some of the bundles are a pretty good deal.

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Did Pirates of the Caribbean rip off Monkey Island? photo
Did Pirates of the Caribbean rip off Monkey Island?
by Jonathan Holmes

[Sup Holmes is a weekly talk show for people that make great videogames. It airs live every Sunday at 4pm EST on Youtube, and can be found in Podcast form on Libsyn and iTunes.]

Last week on Sup Holmes we met Ron Gilbert, creator of Maniac Mansion, Monkey Island, The Cave and so many other amazing games. I have wanted to talk to this person for over 20 years. When I finally got my chance, I found myself desperate to tell him everything I've ever thought ever, which left me at a loss. It's hard to pick just a few words when you want to say all of them at the same time. 

C'mon guys, this is the man who helped coin the term "cut scene". This is the person who who co-created the modern point and click adventure genre. This is the guy who made some of the only games that have made me laugh out loud for the entirety of my adult life. I still laugh when I say "How appropriate, you fight like a cow," in game or out.  It literally never gets old.

Even typing this is stressing me out because I know the Ron Gilbert might read it later. His games have given me so much joy and inspiration over the years. I can't help but want to return the gesture.

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Talking about the Tequila Basement while playing 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand photo
Talking about the Tequila Basement while playing 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
by Bill Zoeker

We're reaching the end of our stupid drunken 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand stream, and not getting any more coherent. We shared our tales of drinking tequila in a basement with actual real-world videogame publisher, Devolver Digital. We also discuss Eazy-E's weird lyrical style.

[Because we exported this stream to YouTube directly from our Twitch.TV channel, the last part is less than 4 minutes long. Here it is below.]

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'Time is literally running out': Lengthy look at Quantum Break photo
'Time is literally running out': Lengthy look at Quantum Break
by Steven Hansen

Have we even seen this much Quantum Break gameplay? The half television show, half videogame from the developers of Max Payne and Alan Wake is coming to Xbox One next year.

Everything about this is hokey and trite, a Marvel comic in a leather jacket ensconced button up with less color. It also has a pretty nice look to it compared to other photorealistic games. There's some color and good lighting there. It's like a not gross and exclusively piss-covered Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

It's winning me over for the first time though through technical marvel but because that initial bit of combat starts with shrug inducing third-person cover boredom before moving to Singularity-reminiscent time powers--gained by being involved in a freak accident that is killing time--that seems to encourage scaled back, Vanquish-style movement. Active gunplay. Like, there could be a good action game under all this pomp instead of what easily could've been lazy cover-based shooting gluing a bad plot together? 

I still don't want to sit through the TV show, though, especially when it looks as if the game will have more than enough cutscenes and non-interactive bits.

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Beating Spelunky on a dance pad is quite the remarkable feat photo
Beating Spelunky on a dance pad is quite the remarkable feat
by Brett Makedonski


Spelunky players are always finding new and interesting ways to torture themselves. Let's face it -- besting Spelunky's unforgiving randomly generated mazes is an accomplishment unto itself. Learning to do it with your feet is a completely different level of insane dedication.

But, that's what one Twitch streamer did to celebrate getting to 1,000 followers -- he mastered Spelunky's directional controls on a dance pad, and used a controller for the buttons. With the assistance of an early jetpack, he marched right through the game and dropped Olmec to his death.

Not too shabby for something that the majority of players couldn't do with their hands.

Spelunky, Beaten With A Dance Pad Controller [Kotaku]

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If 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand were about Eminem, it might be like Deadpool photo
If 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand were about Eminem, it might be like Deadpool
by Bill Zoeker

In this segment of our drunken 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand stream, I think we're mostly just getting drowsy. Max talks about the evolution of Eminem and I yell at my roommate for texting me about laundry during the stream.

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All the Smash Bros. Wii U facts, differences from 3DS version photo
All the Smash Bros. Wii U facts, differences from 3DS version
by Steven Hansen

Alright. If Smash Bros. 3DS is at least a little sparse, this video makes it feel all the more sparse. I mean, Event Mode is back. And there's a separate two-player Event Mode. 

Watch along with the video above, or read along with my jumbled attempts at saving you 35 minutes by jotting down all this new information on the Wii U version of Super Smash Bros., which is just a month away.

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We wanted to play 'Ninja Mystery,' the game inside 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand photo
We wanted to play 'Ninja Mystery,' the game inside 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I are really getting goofy on Bacardi and Vitamin Water in this portion of our live playthrough of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. We discover an awesome arcade cabinet called Ninja Mystery in the game. We also talk about how we like to laugh, and eat pizza, and hug, and how our favorite kind of animal is a dog named Henry; but you wouldn't know him because he lives two towns over and goes to a different school.

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Pay phones are swear stores in 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand photo
Pay phones are swear stores in 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I are getting steadily more drunk in this segment of our 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand livestream. We get a little drunkenly political, considerably more stupid, and start to wonder if Nick Robinson will ever show up.

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We learned Fiddy doesn't need to move his mouth to swear in 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand  photo
We learned Fiddy doesn't need to move his mouth to swear in 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
by Bill Zoeker

Watch the slow progression of our drunken stupidity as we continue to trudge through 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. In this segment, I try to make my Bacardi and Vitamin Water cocktail less terrible with lime juice, sadly to no avail. Then Max and I poop a bunch of nonsense from our mouths, as usual.

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We don't recommend eating a whole turkey before you play Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel photo
We don't recommend eating a whole turkey before you play Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I round out the first hour of Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel with groggy, terrible jokes. We also talked about the mysteries of Boz Scaggs. And... stuff.

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