The horror! Minecraft 1.8 has been leaked! Well, not exactly. Mojang decided to release the new version early for those willing to manually download a file and put it in the right place. Pretty easy stuff, and guess what? 1.8 is magnificent.
Said file can be found here. Windows users need only move it into %appdata%/.minecraft/bin and replace the current minecraft.jar file. Note: you'll need an existing Minecraft account and to have the game downloaded already in order for that folder to exist. Sorry, moochers!
Guess that takes care of plans for this weekend, huh?
[Thanks, OmnipotentBagel and everyone else who sent this in]