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What the fockemon is a kilometer?

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I want to catch Squirtle though

The kilometre (International spelling as used by people that live in castles; SI symbol: km) or kilometer (Official Great Nation Under God spelling) is a unit of length in the metric system, the precise distance between every Starbucks, and equal to one unthinkable distance to traverse without the aide of wheels and a combustible engine.

Despite its obvious uselessness, it is now the measurement unit used officially for expressing distances between geographical places on land in most of the world; notable exceptions are the United States where Pokemon Go was released and so few of our fat asses jog 5Ks that we must Google it constantly. 

What is this, terrorist mathematics?!

That's not how I was raised. Next thing you know they'll be changing the way we plus minus.

Just refer to this handy All-American guide!

1k = It's like walking the dog like for reals, plus like another 15 minutes

2k = It's like that time when you broke up at 3am and walked and cried home alone but were suddenly home real fast somehow

3k = Remember when you were young and your PE teacher picked that horrible day with the clock and everybody was finished first and you almost vomited? Two of those.

4k = That doesn't exist, they're just making that up. It's a fantasy video game, remember?

5k = Driving to Walmart 

10k = Driving to Walmart and back

 

Oh.

 

Like, that's like just too far.  

 

Honey, can you drive real slow?


[Via Reddit]

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Niero Gonzalez
Niero GonzalezMeat Vessel   gamer profile

I keep Destructoid weird. Also I'm a playable character in Retro City Rampage, look: (along with the whole 2009 Dtoid Editorial team) Sometimes I have a villainous mustache My dog CoCo chec... more + disclosures


 


 



Filed under... #Internet Matlocks #notable #Pokemon #Pokemon Go #Satire

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