Ubisoft proves how versatile the Wii is with myriad games about ponies, kitties

Any time you end the title of your game with a completely unnecessary ‘z’, you’re treading a fine line between “was awesome in 1991” and “dude, you asked your four-year-old sister for ideas, didn’t you?” Ubisoft, being a French company unaware of our American ideals and our Constitutionally-mandated System of Tubularity, have been quietly releasing the Petz series of games for years now, much to the delight of slow children, and adults who are forced to wear helmets. Sadly, they’ve somehow made the correlation between an audience who, instead of playing with Pogs, managed to choke on them, and the Wii, and as such, their nefarious Gallic brains have been machinating like a m*thf*cker in order to capitalize on such congruencies. The result? Horsez, Catz, and Dogz are all coming to the Wii!

You can almost taste the aspartame, can’t you?

In other, similar news, Ubisoft also promises they will be creating a brand new IP for the Wii, at some point in the theoretical future. While this is the equivalent of my saying I might, at some point, breathe, or that I could, possibly, be ravaged by nymphomaniacal German teens, the outcome of Ubisoft’s plot to create new, fascinating titles will probably result in a near-future bargain bin filled with shrink-wrapped copies of Leopardz, or Gilaz Monsterz, or Deer.

No, wait … that last one doesn’t work.

(Editor’s Note: Yes, it says m*thf%cker. Try not to think about it too hard. — Nex) 

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.