Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the midst of an epidemic. A vile scourge comes from the east, intent of destroying our homes and obliterating everything we have worked so hard to build for ourselves. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead and all of your worldly posessions are in tatters. Ladies and gentlemen, it is called the Wii.
Countless TVs and windows the world over have already been destroyed by this monstrosity over the last six months, and who knows how many more will fall beneath its insidious blue and white fist. How many more wolves have to die people, how many?
Think I'm over-exaggerating the Wiitard problem? Of course I'm not. This thing is lethal, and if ever proof were needed of how far the plague has come, it's in the fact that a company has now started actively marketing a screen protector on their web site specifically as an armour against the Wii menace.
It may look like any of the other screen guards they sell, but oh no, this thing is the clear plastic saviour we've all been praying for since this most dark period of human history began. We need it people, because the problem is that serious. Be thankful that people like LCDArm exist to make the stand against the shadows.
There is hope now. If we hold together and keep strong our resolve, perhaps one day soon we will come to a day when the worst times are behind us. Until then believe in yourselves, believe in each other, and please, be safe.
(Or alternatively, just learn to use a game controller. Seriously, aren't we over this by now?)