Indie game developer Ska Studios has decided to take inspiration from Peter Molyneux and review its own upcoming game, The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai. Accusing the game of “Falling short of our expectations, and not even looking good while doing so,” the XBLA title scored a 1/10 and some damning criticism.
The gameplay is basically broken. The protagonist, a dishwasher, doesn’t actually wash dishes, at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review. Instead of dishwashing maneuvers, the buttons are mapped to meat cleaver and katana attacks, which won’t help you wash dishes in the slightest. Even if we tried to rate the game on it’s combat aesthetic, we still see some rather nasty glaring omissions, such as:
- Blades of Chaos
- A reasonably sized manskirt (knee-length seems appropriate)
- A boss the size of a large building that takes roughly forty-five minutes to beat, during which the hero must perform at least two dozen quick time events, transform twice, travel through time, and discover something important about himself
Wow, that’s pretty rough. Looks like The Dishwasher isn’t worth your time, money or consideration. Clearly the time I spent playing and enjoying it was a cruel trick by Ska, building up my anticipation for the game before knocking it down like a flimsy house of cards. With creator James Silva clearly unable to make games due to how crap they are, even if they look brilliant, I expect that this unskilled designer will soon be looking for employment elsewhere.
… And if that’s the case, I think I have a place on my reviews team.