Sony apologizes to Anglican Church; forgiveness is SO 1509

Recently, we brought you word that the Church of England had a bee in its bonnet over Sony’s rampant and gleeful promotion of their PlayStation 3 flagship title Resistance: Fall of Man. The game, it seems, depicts scenes of violence and adult situations within what appears to be Manchester Cathedral, and as the English Reformation explicitly forbade video games from promoting violence on hallowed ground, officials connected to the cathedral publicly lambasted Sony. Shortly afterwards, Tony “Yes, I dress myself, why?” Blair jumped into the middle of the fiasco and declared that entertainment companies must be held entirely responsible for their products and that the Church’s plans to sue Sony were entirely justifed, and not at all the latest utterly insane demand from a sect based almost completely on insane demands.

With the primary religious and political bodies of the UK squarely against their digital blasphemy, Sony had no choice but to apologize. You’d think this would be the point where the post would end and you could go on with your life, right? Unfortunately, everything gets all wacky and British from here on out. Hit the jump for more, and don’t forget to hug your Constitution. 

The following quote is the apology Sony prepared for the Church of England in response to the furor over Resistance:

Please understand that Resistance: Fall of Man is a work of science fiction…

We do not accept that there is any connection between contemporary issues of 21st century Manchester and a work of science fiction in which a fictitious 1950’s Britain is under attack by aliens…

It was not our intention to cause offence by using a representation of Manchester Cathedral in chapter 8 of the work. If we have done so we sincerely apologise.

In conclusion we note that you are consulting lawyers. We confirm that it is our policy to seek all necessary permissions for our products and services, and we believe with this particular work we have done so.

Honestly, we’re rather impressed with Sony here. They are a company whose entire corporate culture is based upon insane egomania and pissing contests with anyone willing to whip it out in front of Kaz Hirai, so to apologize publicly, even if half of their apology functionally said “you’re all jerks, shut up”, is a very mature step from a group mostly recently known for slicing open a goat and eating its entrails.

The Church of England, however, doesn’t seem to feel the same way. Here’s their rebuttal:

We acknowledge the admission by Sony that the building in the game is Manchester Cathedral. We thank Sony for the apology they have made.

However, we do not move from the position that we are against violence and especially the gun violence seen in this portrayal of the Cathedral.

We are pleased that Sony wish to come and meet with us in Manchester as today we offered them such an invitation.

In the meeting with Sony we will discuss our outstanding demands, how this game came to be produced and where the images of the Cathedral came from.

I can only assume that “discuss our outstanding demands” translates into American as “hold out our ruddy hands and wait for Sony to hand us bags of cash”. Disturbingly, Sony has no recourse to this church (and Parliament) supported extortion, and as much as I’ve decried Sony’s actions in the past, I almost feel bad for them here. Who could have guessed that the only entity capable of making Sony the object of pity would be a church founded on Henry VIII’s desire to bang more chicks than Pope Clement VII would allow?

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.