Let’s make some things clear, so that this doesn’t come out later in the day and ruin my writing career. I like Quiznos and I like Pac-Man. The holy unity of Cravable Salads and power pellets make me feel things I haven’t felt since I lost my virginity that one stormy night. To Prince, in a barn, when the horses wondered who we were.
Wait, what was I trying to write about again? Oh, yeah! Quiznos, Microsoft, and Namco Bandai have announced the first-ever, “Xbox 360 Pac-Man World Championship.” From April 25 to May 9, trash talking Pac-Man players can put their pellets where their mouth is and compete on the arcade classic via Xbox Live Arcade. Players can register online, and leaderboard scores will be cleared to level the playing field.
The top finalists from participating countries will be flown to New York for the finals on June 5th, and the winner will be crowned by the father of Pac-Man, Toru Iwatani. The prizes make me wish I were actually good at Pac-Man (I can’t even get to the cut scene where he gets laid): 26 years of free Quiznos subs; 100,100 Microsoft Points; and a one-of-a-kind Pac-Man Xbox 360.
To get Pac-fans into the spirit, on April 25, the popular animated Pac-Man cartoon from the early 80s will be available on the Xbox Live Marketplace for 160 MS points per episode. Free would have been a better way to get me in the spirit, but there’s no better (legal) way to get your hands on these dusty old classics.
One question remains — does hot sauce czar and current Pac-Man world champion, Billy Mitchell, own an Xbox 360? Because if he does, the world doesn’t stand a chance. His mullet is way better than you are at Pac-Man.