[Originally published on Destructoid back in 2006! Some photos were lost/replaced, otherwise minor edits made. A Burch classic! For dumb people: this is satire.]
3D-Rendered, big-buxomed women with identical blank stares do absolutely nothing for me. As far as I'm concerned, Lara Croft and the Dead or Alive girls could disappear from the face of gaming, and it wouldn't make any difference to me, because of one simple fact: They aren't Carmen Sandiego. Always outfitted in a bright red trench coat and matching fedora, Carmen has been one of the most enigmatic and prolific video game characters of all time: nothing is known about her apart from her name and occupation (thief), but she's starred in twelve games, three TV shows, and two planetarium movies. And I want to do her. I want to do her bad.
Here's why.... read more