With any massive, soon-to-be-forgotten, Hollywood summer blockbuster, there must come a slew of crappy merchandise with only vague links to the source material. So it is that I somehow have in my possession a bunch of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen plastic nonsense. Since we'll review anything that comes into the Peripherally Speaking office (we don't have an office), I am now going to write about it.
I have a DS Lite protective case and two styluses for your consideration today. Read on as I review what are perhaps the most ludicrous and inconvenient DS accessories I've ever had the privilege of utilizing. Read on and be perplexed!
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen DS Lite Armor & Styluses
MSRP: $19.99 [Starter Kit w/ case & stylus] $12.99 [individual styluses]
If you really, really like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, then you'll enjoy the way these items look. They certainly have that ridiculously over-the-top and cluttered appearance that Michael Bay's Transformers have, kind of like a fourteen-year-old's idea of what Cyberpunk is. Let's start by focusing on the DS Lite case, shall we?
Unlike the NERF Armor that we previously reviewed, the Megatron Armor is nowhere near as possessive of one's DS, snapping on and off quite easily. However, the ease of use comes at the expense of durability. The simple plastic is lightweight but weak and the hinge that keeps both sides of the case together is very loose and comes apart quite easily. It'll protect the DS Lite from cosmetic scuffs and scrapes, but it won't survive any heavy duty damage.
It's also quite difficult to use the volume and power buttons, at least for adults. Children may have an easier time getting their hands into the spaces provided to flick switches, but if you're thirty-years-old, you might want to consider something else. Of course, if you're a thirty-year-old who was considering this in the first place, that might be the least of your worries and you should probably seek professional help.
Of particular interest is the handy carrying pod at the back of the case. The back of the Megatron Armor slips down to provide two game cartridge slots. They fit pretty snugly in there and the hard rubber lid provides some extra protection for your precious games. It's a neat little extra for sure.
Now, let's get to the main event ... the most ridiculous pair of styluses on God's green Earth!
The two styluses are based on Megatron and Bumblebee, although quite how they resemble them outside of the color scheme is beyond me. I think the Megatron one might be his arm or something, but I'm not quite sure. I've not ruled out the possibility that these styluses are supposed to be replica penises for the two popular robots.
Ironically, while the Megatron stylus looks like the more impractical of the two, it's actually much easier to use. The bizarre prongs toward the end of the stylus are surprisingly comfortable and fit the positioning of one's fingers quite well. In contrast, the flat, angular edges of the Bumblebee stylus make it impossible to use comfortably. Nevertheless, both of them are stupidly huge and make the user look like a complete and utter idiot.
Fortunately, complete and utter idiots are exactly the kind of people these products are being marketed to, so if you're that special breed of moron who loved Revenge of the Fallen so much that he'd seriously consider buying these things, then you won't be disappointed. You don't have the taste or intellectual capacity to feel let down by something like this.
[Apologies for the bad photographs at the end. Taking a photo one-handed while holding a stylus is a bit difficult.]
reviewed by Jim Sterling