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NSFW: Haydee is all about butts, and of course there's a nudity mod

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But never mind giving the old girl a face

Haydee, if you haven't heard, is the ass-to-face indie puzzler that's been turning heads all week for its glorious robottocks(tm) and otherwise awful, unintuitive, punishing gameplay that roguelike-lovers crave. Former Destructoid editor and fellow perv Jim Sterling just posted a great little walkthrough that takes us through this odd title and its chains of love, embedded above. Another degenerate from my bosom, Patricia, agrees that the game has terrible breast physics. The now best-selling Steam title offers over 160 rooms to clear and all the butts and more. The thong is so far up the protagonist's ass that it leaves little to the imagination, but that didn't stop modders from taking off the rest.

My recent "research" in adult games gave me a tingle that some wanker must have already made Haydee nude model, and it took me all of zero seconds to find it.  It appears to be 12 megabytes of texture PNGs that you can override in the game's install files. There's also black latex model in a forum thread from the people that somehow made Witcher into porn game. Nobody's yet bothered to put a face on the gal. The whole thing is reminiscent of some Portal alt fantasy, and the fan art coming from this community is glorious.

Destructoid community member Vadicta said it best: "Is Haydee satire, or are people really that hard up"? The hard data suggests that is very much the case. My take? I think boobs are kind of like pizza -- the arrival of pizza is always better than not getting any. Tacky? Sure, but it's hard to argue the value proposition of a puzzling giant robotic ass for $15 than ogling a car's ass in Forza for $60. That's the difference of forfeiting three days versus two weeks of VR prayer at Taco Bell. Robot asses can also be had for nothing: there's a demo on this blog post, and the game's been Greenlit for $14.99 on Steam. A recent fix improves the previously craptacular controller support.   

Inevitably, Haydee will become the subject of controversy for it's terrible or awesome camera choices, if the FCC complaints from the Rio Olympics are any sign that people with small angry lives demand more fabric affixed to our modern day heroes. As for the ridiculous heels, it would hardly be the first time in history when someone you love brings stupid painful shoes to an inappropriate venue because "omg these shoes are cute teehee and now my feet are swollen and bleeding teehee carry me/these and let's call an Uber".

Critics, don't be so quick to find faults in the obvious when there's equal parts to praise. Here we have a full-sized video game lady that does a better job of representing the shape of women than the entire lady's fashion industry.

You know, minus having free will, a voice, or a face.

Small hole in my argument there. 

But... that's where the health meter goes.

Oh, that's right! We're talking about a fictional video game character and not reality. I get the two mixed up, you see, which is why I've been gunning down people in the streets to pay off my student loans when I'm not jail-baiting pageviews.

Don't let the haters shame Haydee. You're a new breed of hero, fat bottom girl.

 


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Papa Niero
Papa NieroMeat Vessel   gamer profile

I keep Destructoid weird. Also I'm a playable character in Retro City Rampage, look: (along with the whole 2009 Dtoid Editorial team) Sometimes I have a villainous mustache My dog CoCo chec... more + disclosures


 



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