I guess Bon Jovi wasn’t enough, as Square-Enix has just started with another weird way to promote Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers. This time it involves a moogle with maracas and party hat talking to a cutey girl bomb-balloon about… stuff. These two are your hosts for The Theater Bearers; a straight-to-YouTube video series set to hype the crowd for The Crystal Bearers’ upcoming November release in Japan.
The videos are all in Japanese, so I’ll do my best to translate for you. The first vid focuses on the game’s hero, Layle, and how much ass he kicks. The second is about Layle’s two sidekicks; one male, one female, both sexy. The third shows Layle’s psychic powers and ethical dilemmas that come along with them in greater detail. Will you use you abilities to pickpocket old ladies, or fix up the town by smashing gigantic balls against each other? It’s up to you to decide, say the little pink moogle and the ditsy, girly bomb.
But who cares about all that? All I’m thinking about now is how awesome it would be for this new flat moogle-guy to grab a microphone hat and start rapping about toilets. The videogame world needs more paper-thin rapping heroes, and these guys look like they could do the job.
OK, I’m gonna go now, before I start crying about how disappointing Major Minor’s Majestic March was and how badly I want a new Parappa/Lammy game. While I’m gone, hit the jump for the other two videos in The Theater Bearers series, plus a couple of bonus vids that show how lethal “flying V” guitars and the milk of giant hamsters can be.