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Jonathan Holmes' face broadcast to entirety of China

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[A wild Holmes appears! --Mr Andy Dixon]

After rising up the ranks at Destructoid and becoming Editor-in-Chief, Jonathan Holmes sets his eyes on China. The country is growing in both economy and power, but what Mr. Holmes' real goal is is currently unconfirmed. His recent appearance on the Chinese news channel CCTV 13 opens up room for speculation.

Mr. Holmes now speaks Chinese fluently as can be heard in the segment broadcast to millions of Chinese citizens. Friends and relatives close to Mr. Holmes expressed surprise and confusion about this after being confronted with the footage, but admitted that he has always had interests of curious appeal, such as "tripping" and "liking Skyward Sword". None of them could provide a decent explanation as to why Mr. Holmes have learned Chinese or where he found the time.

Pundits, analysts and critics immediately started speculating what this could mean for the current state of the world, and what Mr. Holmes' plans are. Some claimed that this is just another plot orchestrated by Jim Sterling to use Mr. Holmes for his own entertainment. Others theorize that this plan has been in motion ever since Mr. Holmes' regular appearances on an old reality show on MTV, which shall be unnamed, to gain respect, reputation and power among Chinese officials. A recent rise in sales of mesh tank tops in the Asian superpower lead some to believe that a severely sexy army lead by one of Mr. Holmes' alter egos will soon rise to take over control on a state level.

Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain as one anonymous source informed us: "No matter what happens, China is already pretty fucked up, so whatever Jon's got planned has to make the country better, right?"

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arkane9
arkane9   gamer profile

The Destructoid Show is responsible for getting me hooked on Dtoid. Loves JRPGs, platformers and sandbox games, and most of the Dtoid staff. more + disclosures


 


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Filed under... #Australia #China #Grand Theft Auto #Satire #video

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