Jessica Biel as Chun-Li? Ben Kingsley as Dhalsim? Robin Williams as Zangief?

One part of that title is true, and no, sadly, it isn’t the two awesome choices, it’s the confusingly bizarre one.

Latino Review, via Kotaku (via my laptop, via coal-burning power plants) has a bit of casting news from the upcoming Street Fighter movie that is simply mind-boggling. The rumor claims that Jessica “Severely Not Chinese” Biel is at the top of the casting pile for the role of Chun-Li, a character defined as much by her many appearances in the Street Fighter series as she is by the fact that she’s not from Minnesota. 

I know the studios have to reach out to an audience somewhat larger than the video game demographic, but shoehorning Little Miss FantasticAss into the role is not only culturally insensitive, it’s the sort of move that will drive the fanboy demographic screaming from the theaters (and possibly into oncoming traffic). 

Then again, I’m holding out hope that the producers have some kind of bizarre homage to Russ Meyer in mind for this movie. I envision filling all the roles with young Hollywood tartlets, and calling it Faster Blanka, Zap, Zap!

Ideas like that are what got me into Roman Polanski’s house the first and third time … I, um … I don’t wanna talk about the second time …

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.