Ikaruga’s final stage, double-fisted

Disclaimer: The above video contains scenes of ridiculous awesome, and things that will make you question the value of your own life. Keep in mind that the gentleman you are about to see is almost certainly a cyborg, and has pursued his life’s goal of ambidextrous spaceship sodomy since he was a small child. Do not attempt to operate machinery, life heavy stacks of paper, or build a guillotine for at least half an hour after viewing the footage.  — The Board

(Editor’s Note: Also, I want to pre-emptively swear at anyone who intends to tell me that this video is old. I know it is. I also know that your last girlfriend actually dumped you because of your horrific skin and unwillingness to do a sit-up every once in a while, and that story about her not feeling like she can have a relationship right now is just an excuse that girls use when they can’t stand looking at you any longer, but don’t have the heart to bang your brother. TAKE THAT FATTY! — Nex)

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.