dark        

How old do you think Splatoon's Marina & Pearl are...? Nope.

0

Off the Hook or Over the Hill?

An art-book for Nintendo's colourful shooter, Splatoon 2, was released in Japan this week, with page upon page of neon nightmares. More importantly, we finally got a canon answer to the question that's been bothering fan-fic writers worldwide: How old are Marina and Pearl?

The duo, collectively known as dreadful rap-rock outfit Off The Hook, were named Splatfest hosts earlier this year, replacing classy squid-sisters Callie and Marie. When revealed, fans mocked Pearl for her gremlin-like qualities, whilst fawning over her lovely Deejay partner. These fans are wrong, incidentally, Pearl is Queen of the World.

So, how old are Marina and her grumpy, pint-sized buddy? Well, according to the new book, Marina is eighteen, which figures, given her trendy millenial qualities. That just leaves Pearl, who I always assumed was probably about nine/ten, right?

Try twenty-one.



TWENTY ONE.



To be honest, the clues were there all along. You need a bit of life experience under your tentacles before you know the correct way to hang toilet paper, or time to develop a hard-edged cynicism of the world before you abandon that healthy bowl of Bran Flakes for a shit-ton of bacon and eggs. At least she can go on a U.S.-based bar crawl with you, even if she is doomed to get carded at every stop.

There we have it, what must surely be one of 2017's biggest video game controversies can finally be put to rest. Now we can all go back to ragging on Electronic Arts and loot boxes.

And remember: Don't get cooked, stay off the hook. BUH-BAM!

You are logged out. Login | Sign up

 
 

 

TwitterRedditEmailFacebook
 
Chris Moyse
Chris MoyseSenior Editor   gamer profile

Chris (Orochileona) has been playing video games since video games began... still terrible at them. Former Saturday Night Slam Master, rambles nostalgically like Abe Simpson. I ain't here to figh... more + disclosures


 


 


Also on Destructoid: Splatoon 2   (117)   From our database:

  • Arcane arts win the day in Splatoon 2's medieval splatfest - Chris Moyse
  • Splatoon 2's medieval splatfest wages war this weekend - Chris Moyse
  • Splatoon's latest splatest getting medieval on your ass - Chris Moyse
  • Marina waffles Pearl in Splatoon 2's breakfast splatfest - Chris Moyse
  • Don't forget Splatoon 2's breakfast battle this weekend - Chris Moyse
  • Splatoon 2's new update brings changes to weapons, specials and the Kelp Dome - Chris Moyse
  • Next European Splatfest asks which starchy breakfast is best - Anthony Marzano
  • Splatoon 2 to receive classic weapons pack and free-to-play week - Chris Moyse
  • Here's another Pearl & Marina concert that I wasn't able to attend - Chris Moyse
  • More related stories
    Filed under... #art book #cute! #fan fiction #japan #Nintendo #Nintendo Switch #Splatoon 2 #Switch #Twitter

    READER COMMENTS LOADING BELOW...


    LET'S KEEP THE COMMUNITY GREAT


    You're not expected to always agree, but do please keep cool and never make it personal. Report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our community team. Also, on the right side of a comment you can flag nasty comments anonymously (we ban users dishing bad karma). For everything else, contact us!



     
     
  •