Jack Thompson is a familiar name to regular FOXTOID readers. He’s our school shootings expert, as well as our men’s grooming columnist and yogurt correspondent. A few weeks ago, I caught up with the silver haired lothario to talk about a few of his favorite things. What he said to me has never before been considered good enough to publish, but this is FOXTOID, where quality comes second!
Hit the jump for the official FOXTOID interview with Jack Thompson (based on an actual email exchange actually had in actual February. Actually)!
FOXTOID: What is your favorite videogame?
Thompson: Kill All the Gamers. It’s a great game
FOXTOID: I’ve not heard of that one. Is it on Xbox 360?
Thompson: Uh huh. love it
FOXTOID: Interesting. So would you say that aggravating gamers is more satisfying than protecting children?
Thompson: They’re one in the same. I’m sorry you haven’t figured that out
FOXTOID: Don’t apologize, it’s okay Jack Thompson.
If you could choose between letting one child buy Grand Theft Auto, or eating one thousand eggs, what would you choose?
Thompson: I’m not apologizing, but you should.
FOXTOID: I’m sorry that I take your insults toward hard working developers to heart, Jack Thompson. [Editor’s note — FOXTOID was joking here. We love insulting game developers really]
Thompson: Hitler was “hard working” as well.
FOXTOID: I know. I played Wolfenstein. He was a busy man.
So do you believe game developers support the systematic extermination of Jews?
Thompson: So, what controlled substance are you on this morning?
FOXTOID: This morning I have been melting down glass and huffing the fumes.
What about you Jack? A bit early in the day for the crack cocaine I imagine. Just a nice tall glass of OJ?
Thompson: Legal Department
MSNBC on the Internet
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, WA 98052
Re: False and Defamatory Assault by MSNBC on Jack Thompson
Dear Legal Department:
Your “contributor” Winda Benedetti has now twice falsely defamed me on behalf of MSNBC.com, and I intend to bring a civil action in state court in Florida for libel.
See https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18220228/ and https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23204875/.
In the latter hit piece, which runs today, Benedetti and MSNBC have excluded from this crazed and libelous screed the comments from me that she said she wanted, which deletion, of course, helps make the “actual malice” point.
Finally, but not exhaustively, NBC News apparently did not consider me a shameless “self-promoter” when it had me on the Today Show and NBC Nightly News I believe a total of ten times. But once my criticism began to inconvenience Bill Gates’ NBC partner, Microsoft, (MSNBC.com is a 50/50 partnership) then all of a sudden I’m the Anti-Christ. Even Chris Matthews recently got in on the fun.
A jury is going to love this libel action, and I’m going to love wading through Microsoft’s files about Jack Thompson. I’m interviewing lawyers for the purpose of bringing the action. Please contact me as soon as possible.
Regards, Jack Thompson
FOXTOID: That’s awesome. Do you think you are going to win?
So what did we learn from all this? We learned that Jack Thompson is a hero and an all-American who is defending the rights of children everywhere. God bless you, Thompson. God bless you, America.