Fanboy Friday: Vin Diesel Edition

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And here we are again. Another Friday, more fanboys. 

Today, we’re going to talk about Wheelman. Or as the cover art says, Vin Diesel Wheelman. I don’t know if this shit is based off a movie, or if Vin Diesel just slapped his name on it, but from the 15 seconds of research I did about the game it looks like it’s similar to GTAIV and Saint’s Row. Unsurprisingly, it got a low score from IGN. The review also got a whole bunch of whiny comments about how IGN has a hardon for GTAIV and it’s JUST SO UNFAIR.

Here we go!

(Congrats to Autumn for winning the poetry contest last week. He wins the internet. Check out his awesome poem at the end of this week’s column.)

 

Maybe it’s my fault for being naive, but I finally just realized that people will complain about anything. It doesn’t matter what or why, everyone on the internet just loves complaining. If Malibu Barbie’s Pony Extravanganza got a 2.0, I bet I could find enough people whining and bitching about the review score to get a column out of it. (Note to self: Start looking at Barbie reviews once I run out of material.)

It’s also interesting to see that once someone decides they don’t like a reviewer, they will use any opportunity to bitch and moan about percieved slights. Take this gentleman for instance. The IGN review was entirely and solely about Wheelman, but the commenter managed to find something else to whine about. If this is the worst decision the reviewer has ever made, he must be living a pretty incredible life.

u used to be cool but now u suck giving smackdown vs. raw 2009 7.8/7.9 was the worst decision u have ever made

Reading the review itself, you can tell the reviewer doesn’t like the game, but he doesn’t do anything outrageous. Sure, he talks about the stuff he doesn’t like fairly harshly, but he’s pretty much backing up why it sucks. To some people though, reviews should have no touch of personality or humor, and IGN really needs to watch their professionalism.

Not to defend this game, but this review is one of the most unprofessional blurbs I’ve ever read on IGN. All because a game is terrible doesn’t mean you should write the review like your posting a blog for your buddies. I think game reviews from an esteemed site like IGN should sound a little more formal and a little less anecdotal.

Alright, here comes the good stuff. Accusations of being a GTA fanboy and ridiculous comparisons to other review scores for games that aren’t even in the same genre!

I like how he criticizes the whole putting the gun on the back without a strap….but yet Niko from GTA4 can pull an RPG and sniper rifle out of his coat and IGN gives it a 10?

Its funny how most of the previews and reviews so far have been really positive, and the demo which was extremely well recieved… yet this GTA fanboy thinks ..I know what lets hype this up and then drop it like a turd.
What a tosser! Well I dont give a monkeys .. I will be buying this day one

A 4.5? Really??…this game is worse than Ski-Doo, X-Blades, Watchmen, and Wheel of Fortune?

It’s also important to note that any time a game you like gets a bad review, it means the site is TERRIBLE. It’s simply unfathomable that a game you like might not be enjoyed by other people.

Ign’s review are getting more crappy’ with each game. and the person who did this review is a complete joke this guy obvously hated the game before it went out. this pathetic person do did this review was the last straw for me. i rather go to (1up . com) for review and others. there game review have gone downhill completly

This “review” is retarded.
Congratulations IGN, between this and your copy/paste the same review for all systems thing you have officially become worst than Gamespot. And that’s no easy feat.

This is going to get away from Wheelman a bit, but some of the things I’ve noticed going through the IGN comments are the people who post completely and utterly unreadable nonsensical things. I’m sure they have a point somewhere in their instance rambling, but I don’t have the free time to sit down and try to figure out what it is. Maybe you guys can help. All I know is that apparently Vin Diesel is PISSED. (Warning, one of these is really long. You might want to skip past it and save yourself the IQ drop.)

man greg i dont6 want u to lose your job but R U KIDDING ME DUDEEEEEEEEEE A 4.5 THATS TELLING ME U BETTER NOT BUY THIS GAME NO MATTER HOW MUCH U LIKED THE DEMO GREG U BETTER TAKE THIS SCORE BACK A SAY AT LEAST A 7.2 R EVEN 8 MANM I AGREE THERE IS NO PEOPLE SHOOTING EACH OTHER IN THE STREETS BUT I DIDNT SEE NIKO HEAVY *** JUMPING FROM CAR TO CAR NO SIR DID U SO U BETTER TAKE THE SCORE BACJK DUDE VIN DIESEL IS PISSED AT U DONT BE SO PICKY DUDE

AWESOME GAME!!!! $60 is a STEAL for this game, buy 2 copies now – I’ve got it on good authority that this game is causing a frenzy! People are starting to list copies of it on E-BAY for 4x the asking price! Join the revolution people!!!!
Really… “WHEELMAN” is the best open world race game on the market. Period. It’s WAY better than GTA IV (or any other GTA for that matter), I mean look at the graphics… the way they got all the cars to look that realistic… like 1985 Chrysler Lebarons – outstanding. Also I am pretty sure it’s much better than the “Gears of War” series, because you know how that game had really sweet Bosses and these astounding weapons in it? Well get this… “WHEELMAN” has guns in it too… and let me tell you – it’s amazing, it will take your breath away. This game has everything… fencing, fighting, torture, revenge…. (is this a kissing game?)

But seriously, there’s a secret code in the game where you can play as Barrack Obama and all the enemies look like AIG employees. Here’s a small list of games that this OBVIOUSLY superior game is better than and improves upon. The following list has very close to “WHEELMAN” but doesn’t quite reach “WHEELMAN”‘s level of awesome – All of these games are similar to “WHEELMAN” in some way (graphics/gameplay) but come short:
God of War
Gears of War
Patapon
Dance Dance Revolution
LEGO STAR WARS
LEGO BATMAN – (Close tie)
LEGO INDIANA JONES
Burnout (series)
Call of Duty (all of ’em)
Mirror’s Edge
Edge’s Mirror
Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm
Bioshock
Dead Space
Monopoly
Scene it?
Mass Effect
Pirates of the Carribean: Deadman’s Chest
GTA IV
and last but not least…
Hello Kitty Island Adventure

Since the history of the video game there have been 4 games reviewed the most passionate… the most pure… “WHEELMAN” leaves them all behind…

And enjoy these parting words of wisdom:

this game blows more than a 90 year old hooker making a wish at her birthday party.

The poetry contest last week seemed to be a success, so let’s do it again. Any kind of poetry is allowed and judged equally, but if you submit a haiku you’ll lose. The topic this week is Vin Diesel, except this time your poem has to be about how awesome he is. Good luck. Below, find Autumn’s kickass poem about Killzone 2 from last week.

So I bought Killzone 2 and what can I say?
This: “it’s a big pile of absolute gay.”
The online intrigued me, but the class system sucks
And the game has more lag than the dialogue has “fucks”.

With 32 players the servers are SHIT
And your enemies die six years after they’re hit.
Do I want to run pointlessly firing my gun?
Or control like a tank fucking weighing a ton?

You can keep your shit story and dialogue too…
Is this really the best that Guerilla could do?
I just can’t help but think that the good review scores
Were because Sony bribed the reviewers with WHORES.

In essence if this game is Sony’s big hope
Then the PS3 fanboys should probably elope.
I mean, sure it looks pretty but who really cares?
So did Rise Of The Robots…

Also, Rico’s a prick.


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