Destructoid’s Super Magical Dolphin E3 2008 Predictions!

The buzz is incalculable.

Everyone and their mothers are chomping at the bit to find out what thinks will happen at this year’s all important E3. And with the big show only a few weeks away, this anticipation has reached a fever pitch! Even Jesus himself signed up for an account recently in the hopes our highly sought-after E3 predictions would soon be revealed. Well, they’re finally here, Jesus. Calm down!

What do we think is in store for July’s big event? Will Nintendo focus less on the casual crowd? Will Sony reveal a lineup of killer exclusives? Will Microsoft finally jump into the world of Blu-ray? What games are going to blow the roof off the Los Angeles Convention Center?

Hit the jump for Destructoid’s S.M.D. E3 2008 predictions and let us know what you think. Are we crazy? Spot on? Delusional? Geniuses? You can even check back next month to see how perfectly accurate/laughably wrong we were. And please feel free to leave your own wild guesses and crazy predictions in the comments. If you’re going to make fun of us, we would love to be able to do the same back.

[Thanks to Topher for the amazing main image and to the staff for the contributions!]


-Nintendo will announce how awesome they are and explain that the Wii sells faster than cocaine.

-Nintendo will focus its conference primarily on WiiWare games and announce a bunch of new, exciting titles for the download service.
Shot in the dark: Mario Paint Wii, perchance?

-An influx of casual games from third parties, many of which no one will care about.

-Finally, attention will be back on the Virtual Console as some pretty heavy hitting RPGs are announced for upcoming North American release.
Shot in the dark: In a surprise, Square-Enix finally shows full support for Nintendo’s retro gaming service (Chrono Trigger!).

-A new, exciting IP will be revealed, making “hardcore” gamers very happy (if a little skeptical). Miyamoto will be involved in a producer role.

-No redesign for the DS just yet, but new colors for Nintendo’s popular handheld will be featured.

-Nintendo will address the storage issue on the Wii and only offer a strange, awkward solution. SD card integration?
Shot in the dark: New Wii SKU with larger storage capacity.

-More details on Nintendo’s “Pay and Play” service will be revealed. Fanboys frantically look for ways to defend this.

Hands-on games:
de Blob (Wii)
Deadly Creatures (Wii)
Mario Super Sluggers (Wii)
Wario Land: Shake It (Wii)
Samba de Amigo (Wii)
Viva Piñata: Pocket Paradise (Nintendo DS)
Fire Emblem DS (Nintendo DS)
Final Fantasy IV (Nintendo DS)
Lock’s Quest (Nintendo DS)

Eyes-on games/Announcements:
Kid Icarus Wii (Wii)
F-Zero Wii (Wii)
Animal Crossing Wii (Wii)
-New WarioWare game with Balance Board support

Here’s hoping:
Pikmin 3 (Wii)
-New Punch-Out!! game with Balance Board support
Metroid Dread (Nintendo DS)


-Official details about Home and trophies will be unveiled. In fact, this will be the focus of Sony’s presence at E3, with many demonstrations and some nice surprises.

-Sadly, Sony will refuse to drop the price of the PlayStation 3 or the PSP. Instead, they will talk about how Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is the greatest thing ever and makes the PS3 worth every penny.

-Many new titles for the forgotten PlayStation Network will be announced, as well of some welcome news about media distribution through the PlayStation Store (i.e., Sony Pictures Entertainment – movies/TV, Sony BMG – music).

-Sony will finally unveil the controller that breaks apart. People will still be just as confused.

-A new game from Team ICO is announced and is a PlayStation 3 exclusive! No cleverly worded hints here: It’s going to be Shadow of the Colossus 2! Or, at least, a spiritual sequel set in the same, mystical world.

Hands-on games:
Killzone 2
MotorStorm 2 Pacific Rift
Resistance 2
SOCOM: Confrontation

Eyes-on games/Announcements:
God of War III
L.A. Noire
Heavy Rain
The Agency
Gran Turismo 5

Here’s hoping:
Shadow of the Colossus 2
-New Jak & Daxter platformer


-Partnerships galore! Microsoft will announce business relationships with some pretty major companies, including rental giant Netflix.

-Watch for a huge focus on Xbox Live. Although most of the games will be delayed until 2009, some exciting announcements will be made.
Shot in the dark: Dreamcast games on XBLA!

-We all know it is coming, but just to make it official: Microsoft will announce its Wii competition in the form of creepy, customizable avatars and a motion-sensing controller (could Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts use it extensively?).

-Some surprising revelations concerning the exclusive Grand Theft Auto IV downloadable content.
Shot in the dark: Fun, fantasy elements to be added to the hit game. Think Cloverfield meets Crackdown.

-New 360 SKU? No. Blu-ray? No. Price drop? Um, maybe.

Hands-on games:
Fable 2
Too Human
Fallout 3
Resident Evil 5
Gears of War 2
Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts
Castle Crashers
Left 4 Dead
Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise
Bionic Commando: Rearmed

Eyes-on games/Announcements:
Halo Wars
Alan Wake
Forza 3
Velvet Assassin
Infinite Undiscovery
Tales of Vesperia
Star Ocean: The Last Hope

Here’s hoping:
BioShock 2
Mass Effect 2


As for third parties, expect a ton of “killer” games to be “instinctively” shown off in true, “combo breaker” fashion.

Hands-on games:
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Madden NFL 09
Resident Evil 5
Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix
Bionic Commando
Silent Hill: Homecoming
Guitar Hero: World Tour
The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon
Call of Duty: World at War
Destroy All Humans: Path of the Furon
Saints Row 2
BioShock (PlayStation 3)
Tom Clancy’s HAWX
Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway
Sonic Unleashed
Street Fighter IV

Eyes-on games/Announcements:
Mega Man 9
Beyond Good & Evil 2
Brütal Legend
Mirror’s Edge
Dead Space
Prince of Persia
WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2009
EA Sports Fantasy Football
The Godfather II

Here’s hoping:
Killer Instinct 3
-New Indiana Jones game from LucasArts (the one that uses the Euphoria engine)

***BONUS PREDICTION*** What will win Game of the Show? This is a tough call with all the amazing stuff that will be shown. In an upset, expect LittleBigPlanet to take it.
Shot in the dark: Mirror’s Edge, Resident Evil 5


*No actual magical dolphins were used to make these predictions. Unless you count Jim Sterling.

Chad Concelmo