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Comments of the Week 04: Banjos, Bats, and Boo...Nevermind

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The hyperlinked shout-out from space

Howdy there my fellow fellers. Today's Comments of the Week is brought to you by this old man from 1992's Phalanx box art and yours truly, ZombZ. This is my first go at this and I'm hoping to do this beloved blog series justice, like FakePlasticTree, TheLimoMaker and Gmana have done before me these past three weeks. I'm glad they tested the waters for me first, although I'm a little concerned, because from growing up, I remember being the fourth person to hop into a bathtub doesn't really make you feel all that great. Well, moving on.

As always here comes the funny and/or insightful stuff you've thrown out into the vast emptiness of the internet. Okay. Some of the stuff you've thrown out. No, some of the stuff, some of you have thrown out. Actually, very little of what you, as a collective, have written. Well, moving on.

Everybody's Golf really won me over with its online beta

ZombZ: We should do away with traditional reviewing systems. All a potential buyer needs to know is if there are well-labeled holes, and how many.

Have you discovered the secret to vomit in River City Ransom: Underground?

ZombZ: You people disgust me. Now excuse me while I stuff my face with deep fried Mars bars.

I Am Setsuna developer teases image, likely being given a second chance

ZombZ: Ve are one with ze tuna.

Introducing Retroid

ZombZ: I think there's an ointment for that. Not that I'd know.

New Super Nintendo World park trademark includes kart racing and hotels

ZombZ: Because Nintendo under-supplies. Get it? Get it? ... I ruined it, didn't I?

NieR: Automata sales and shipments surpass 1.5 million

ZombZ: Robust robutt sales.

Overwatch's new map will fly us to the moon

ZombZ: Get out now! Then come back with more of that please.

Petition to cancel Far Cry 5 reads a lot like something the game would parody

ZombZ: The next Far Cry will be about Shadow1's revenge on Dere.

Platinum is working on a Switch game, promises it will be 'interesting'

ZombZ: Both of those are better than the, "Buy this or we kill your franchise," line. Looking at you Fed Force.

Review: The Walking Dead: A New Frontier: From the Gallows

ZombZ: Comment: On comment: Yes.

Rumor: Super Mario Odyssey arriving in November as Nintendo increases Switch production

ZombZ: We have very strict rules around here.

STOP THE PRESSES: Ubisoft has a new swirl

ZombZ: Ouch.

ZombZ: This had me giggling all week. Thanks again you beautiful man.

Uzbekistan bans 34 games for 'distorting values,' 'threatening stability'

ZombZ: For science! Keep up the good work brother/sister/mother/lover.

This official Splatoon 2 headset looks like a pain to use

ZombZ: It's probably faster than setting up this mess.

GTA V publisher: 'We can do more' microtransactions with our 'under-monetized' users

ZombZ: PR BS at its best, folks!

Fighting game rereleases top the charts in Japan

ZombZ: I have a very strong urge to see Sam Elliot with heavy eyeliner.

You can finally battle other trainers in Pokemon Go this summer

ZombZ: The devices are actually quite different. GO's GPS tracking ensures that you actually go outside and walk. The Pikachu Tamagochi thingy was more about preparing your feeble arm muscles for puberty.

Big news: Gigantic should launch by the end of June

ZombZ: Someone give this man a job.

Now is a good time to chime in about Rime

ZombZ: I think it's past your bedtime... slime, rime, enzyme, prime, climb, grime.

Can a Switch survive after a drop from 1,000 feet?

ZombZ: Yeah...that's where I'd put my Switch too, IF I HAD ONE!

Someone 3D printed a Switch d-pad, but it comes at a price

ZombZ: This would be so much better without context...

An actual article on Dtoid

 ZombZ: You can't see it, but what's actually featured here is our resident moderator staff.

See how Everybody's Golf is shaping up for mobile

ZombZ: Thanks. Now I can't get the USSR anthem out of my head whenever I see the game's title.

Every time I play Trails in the Sky

ZombZ: Heh. Weebs.

Boom. Done. You may have noticed that you weren't featured this week (unless you were) and there's good reason for that. I rolled a die and your number didn't come up. That might seem unfair, but so is life. At least your wife didn't run off to Hawaii with some doctor named Bob. You might not know kung-fu, have a job, or have a full set of teeth, but she could at least let you see the kids on Christmas.

Well, moving on.

Tune in next week, when Lawman takes us by the hand and leads us further into the abyss.

See you in space, cowboys.

PS: I'd like to apologize to Destructoid for stealing their mascot Mr. Destructoid and to Bethesda for stealing the Vault Boy images. I'm not really sorry, but I heard this is what you're supposed to do when you blatantly plagiarize someone else's work. This is mine now. He's called Mr. Cothew. That's an acronym. Because I'm smart.

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