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How I'd Design An Easy Mode For Dark Souls

A quick note before I start this blog: this was written and formatted on an iPad. As such, there may be some weird autocorrect issues or problems with formatting. I apologise in advance if this is the case, as it looks fine when I pre...


Overstuffed: My Gaming Horror Story

Warning, what you are about to read is morally repugnant and should not be read by anyone. Reader discression advised. I remember the first time I felt overstuffed with games. It was fall, 2004 and it was far from pleasant. I sat alone...


Top Ten Tips For Video Game Devlopment

As a privileged white male who has made one ten minute platformer with very basic graphics, I decided it was my duty to tell game developers everywhere how to do their job. This list is universally catered to all artists, but real art...


How to Combat Stagnation in Long Running Series

Some game series have seriously overstayed their entry. Some are on their fifth or sixth entry, and some were dead on arrival. Either way, here are some solid ways we could improve these series of old. Please note, not all of these gam...


Under-Appreciated Awesomeness: Shmups!

Shmups – or shoot em ups for you uncultured swine – is a genre where you shoot things. You also avoid things. It's kind of like Undertale's pacifist battles, except for a full game. The genre has seen a resurgence, especial...


Video Game Idea + Remixes and New Songs.

Firstly, some new tracks. https://soundcloud.com/blake-turner-29/what-the-fucks-a-cow This one is a battle rap. The guy it's named at is my friend, so it's out of love. He killed me on a track, need to respond: https://soundcloud.com/b...


Album Releases

So, I made two very dissimilar works back to back. One where I channelled my inner pop rapper ala chance the rapper/macklemore etc. and it's about me cumming out but mainly about promoting positive self image.  That one is here:&n...


Mental Health Struggles and All That Jazz

"Listen closely: the only time it’s too late to change yourself is when you’re dead. Until then, you’re simply making excuses or lying to yourself." - Some cunt on tumblr.  Firstly, this blog was originally post...


The Evil Within 2 Impressions - 12 hours in.

 The Evil Within 2 is a sequel that improves on the original 100 fold. I don't say this lightly, but I'm about 12 hours into the game and I like it more than Resident Evil 4. That's my 3rd Favourite game of all time. So, let that...


Still Shilling Like A Shameless Whore

Who isn't though? I have this conundrum a lot. I don't like reading self promotion blogs, and I hate writing them even more. I'd rather tell you about all the awesome things other people have made.  Like, are you aware the new Met...



So, I've been really productive lately. Isolation, new medication, weed, and enough nicotine to kill a water buffalo will do that. I've written 5 chapters of a story and a 7 song ep. Here's the first chapter of my story: Roughly 12 cl...


Hollow Knight: Capturing the Spirit of Dark Souls

Hello internet. My name is Blake, and for a little while, I had a crippling addiction to the Souls series. This addiction often manifested itself in strange ways. I'd have dreams where my roommate was one of those skeleton wheeled fuc...


My Stupid Game Ideas

  Metroid Prime Meets Quake... Sort of. The Above pic is from the indie game "In the Kingdom." An artstyle like that but a bit less minimalist would ideally be what I'm aiming for. So I have this idea about a game. It essential...


Nintendo Switch: Maybe Hold off on the Praise

 So, the Wii-U Nintendo Switch was announced yesterday, and I have to admit, it does look kind of neat.  From a tech standpoint, a device that can plug into any screen and with that kind of versatility is fascinating, and thi...


Under-Appreciate Awesomeness Vol. 3

Well, uh, this was supposed to be a weekly blog huh. Guess that didn’t happen. And I guess I’m not going to promise regularity from now on either. Anyway, I have new games for you to try! Powerslave EX Try if you like: Ser...


Under-Appreciated Awesomeness: Volume 1

Here's the deal. You like games. I like games. You don't know what to play. I have suggestions. Three of them, to be precise. They're games that were either undeservedly panned by critics, or just flew under the radar for most people. ...


The Gender Agenda

In many modern societies, the words "gender" and "sex" have become unfortunately synonymous despite distinct definitions. Sex denotes the anatomical difference between a male and a female, whereas gender is defined as the ro...


The Facts: Video Games Cause Violence

Video games are a steadily growing medium, with titles like Call of Duty, Halo, Fallout 4 and Grand Theft Auto eclipsing their target demographics and becoming worldwide phenomenons. By August of 2015, Grand Theft Auto 5 alone had sol...


Shut Up About Dark Souls' Difficulty

 Dark Souls is my favourite game of all time, but to most journalists, it's nothing more than a masochistic masculinity test. "Oh, it's so difficult, aren't my balls so much more testicular than yours? I'm so good at gaming, loo...


Your Childhood Sucked

Are you in your mid 20's to late 30's? Was at least a month of your childhood consumed by a Final Fantasygame? Do you still have nightmares about the first time you encountered a Licker in Resident Evil 2? Do you still have ...


Ye Old First Person Shooters Do Things Better

Usually, I'm the first person to tell nostalgia hounds how wrong they are. You know the ones. Those folks who think that their two million 2-D brawlers are somehow more diverse than our two million military shooters. The kind of peo...


4 Worst Video Games Ever Made

There is obviously far too much positivity on the internet, so to counterbalance it, I thought I'd bring some bile and vitriol to the table. Some games are just terrible, and it's up to us as gamers to collectively shame the ...



You know who I hate? Gay people. They're sexist and they hate women. We should burn them. Straight people too. Are you aware that just by preferring one gender over the over you are discriminating against almost half of the population...


Chrono Cross Remix

Hey, I made a remix of the track Dream of the Shore Near Another World. If you could, please watch it, like it, and comment? I'd like this to get out there and get some views. I'm sorry if this seems like tacky self promotion, but I don't s...


Playing Dark Souls Using My FISTS!!!

Hello, people of the internet! I'm Blake Turner, and today I am going to play Dark Souls in ways it clearly wasn't intended to be played. We're talking alternative builds here guys, and the first is one I'm lovingly referring to as "Fist Pu...


About whatsacowone of us since 2:50 PM on 09.18.2012

Hi I'm Blake, and I love video games. I'm mainly into platformers, rpgs, fps games, and skating simulators - though I'll give anything a chance.

Favourite Games:

Dark Souls
Demons Souls
Hollow Knight
Fallout: New Vegas
Metroid Prime
Guild Wars 2
Super Metroid
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
Phantasy Star IV
Ys: Oath in Felghana
Us Origins
Legend of Zelda Windwaker
Beyond Oasis
The Witcher 2 and 3
God of war 2
Mass Effect series
Dragon Age Origins
Brutal Doom
Doom 64
Stalker: shadow of chernobyl
Resident Evil 2
Resident Evil 4
Silent Hill 2-4
Horizon Zero Dawn
Nier Automata
Powerslave (ps1 version)
Legend of Grimrock 2
Final Fantasy IX
Persona 4/5
Metal Gear Solid 3
Skate 3
Tony Hawks pro skater series
Tony Hawk underground
Gothic 2
The Evil Within 2
All the Kirby games
Oddworld Abe's Exoddus
Dying Light
Dragon Quest 8
Devil May Cry 3
Ninja Gaiden (xbox)
Lost Odyssey
Path of Exile
Red Dead Redemption
Serious Sam
Dragons Dogma
and many many more

Favourite Movies:

The Raid
Cabin in the Woods,
Kubo and the Two Strings, Martyrs,
Shaun of the Dead,
Fight Club,
Dr Horribles Sing Along Blog,
Most Tarrantino
Most Wes Anderson

Favourite TV Shows:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine
The Good Place
Game of Thrones
Crazy Ex Girlfriend
Frisky Dingo
It's Always Sunny
Black Books
Parks and Rec
Arrested Development
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
30 Rock

Favourite Bands:

Maudlin of the Well,
Diablo Swing Orchestra, Clouddead,
Open Mike Eagle,
Car Seat Headrest,
Porcupine Tree,
Ne Obliviscaris,
Godspeed you black emperor!
Death Grips
Cult of Luna
The Ocean
Kayo Dot
Massive Attack
Dog Fashion Disco
Wolves in the Throne Room, Moonsorrow,

Favourite Books

Name of the Wind
Farseer Trilogy
First Law Trilogy
A song of ice and fire
Shattered Sea trilogy
Gentleman's Bastards series
Liveship Traders
American Gods
Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrel