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Games that I Regret: Mission: Impossible (NES)


Some people say that games are easier today then they were back in the NES era. Some even say that a lot of the games being released today are easy to the point of being boring. I personally feel that the difficulty of games today is fine because there is a big difference between being challenging and being violence-inducingly frustrating. Obviously since this is a Games that I Regret article weíll be looking at a game that falls into the latter: Mission: Impossible for the NES.

Mission: Impossible was released in 1990 and was based on the 1988 television series revival. You switch between the members of a three person IMF squad. Their goal is to rescue a kidnapped scientist from the clutches of The Sinister Seven. You must shoot, punch, and boomerang various thugs while infiltrating their inner sanctum.

Thereís apparently a boat level later on. I wouldnít know, Iím stuck in the damn sewers.

The main problem that I have with the game is the fact that itís confusing. Every time I play I make it to the sewers and can never seem to figure out exactly where to go next. Aside from the main mission objective youíre never really given a full understanding of what exactly it is you have to do. All you can do is move from building to building getting items and vague clues from what I assume are other IMF agents. An example: early on you can get a keycard from a guy in a bar. On the card is a number, in another room is a door locked with a numerical password. I naturally assumed the two were related but I later found out after much experimentation that they were not related at all, the number was pointless.

The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. At least I guess that's a roof.

Trying to figure out where youíre going isnít the only way to occupy your time. You also spend plenty of time trying not to get killed by the many hazards surrounding you. Of course there are plenty of enemy agents out to get you, conveniently color-coordinated according to attack type. Not all of them are so easy to spot though, some dress as civilians in order to lull you into a false sense of security. Youíll be walking down the street when suddenly one of the old ladies will spin around and start stabbing you in the back. Who knows, maybe theyíre not even undercover agents, they could just be disgruntled. Perhaps grandma is just sick of taking care of her ungrateful childrenís spoiled crotch-spawn and she going to take it out on you because you kind of look like that guys that felt her up at that barn dance when she was but an innocent young girl.

Watch where youíre going, jackass.

Surprisingly though, your main threat doesnít come from terrorists or grannies that are angry that you took their innocence. The environmental hazards are far more deadly. Cars go whipping through the narrow streets at break-neck speed and if you are unlucky enough to be clipped by one of these supersonic death-machines your agent will go flying off the screen and into an early grave. The streams of sewage in the sewers are equally deadly if you happen to get caught in one while crossing the makeshift bridges your agent will get swept away to drown in a sea of liquid feces. While not technically deadly, you mission will also come to an abrupt stop if you happen to injure one of the sane civilians walking the streets. Cut down the wrong brown suited businessman in a hail of gunfire and youíll be whisked away in a helicopter to face involuntary manslaughter charges. While you do have three agents to play with, if one gets killed or captured you continue with the ones you have left, but they all have different weapons and abilities,. Not a bad prospect unless your stuck with the guy who punches things in a room full of machinegun wielding terrorists.

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I obviously dislike this game but Iíll admit that itís not really terrible; itís not just my thing. Iím sure some people out there would like a challenge and since this game has the reputation of being one of the hardest on the NES it might be right up their alley. Maybe the other levels get better after you finally navigate your way out of the unimaginable labyrinth that is the sewers. Seriously, I was almost expecting to stumble across a minotaur just lazily bathing in the sewage.

Side Rant: While looking of footage of this game on YouTube I discovered something that surprised me; there are a lot of Angry Video Game Nerd wannabes out there. Each one trying to propel themselves into the upper echelons of internet stardom on a rocket made of profanity and poop jokes. Allow me to pass on some words of wisdom to all the people copying AVGNís style: You donít fucking have to say ďfuckĒ every other fucking word. You occasionally have to fucking say something fucking clever in-between the fucking profanity you fucking fucks! Although I do have to admit, it does help to get your point across.

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About shiperoone of us since 10:09 AM on 12.18.2006