As I show up on Destructoid today, there's a lot of chatter about Chic-Fil-A's president being stupid when he said something openly homophobic and how now there is a video game convention for homosexuals and lots of divided opinions about these things. Chic-Fil-A makes some good chicken and the waffle fries, but they're idiots who stick with thousand year old information as being absolute law of the world and how it works, so they're not open on Sundays. Every time I've ever really wanted to eat there, was a Sunday. Not having concepts of time or days of the week, I managed to almost always have gone out of my way to get to a Chic-Fil-A, on a fucking Sunday when they're closed. Fuck them, fuck their interpretations of religion. It's as easy as that for me. Will I ever eat at Chic-Fil-A again?
"Guilty as charged!"
Well, first off, that quote si the exact quote the guy said. Which in my opinion is a rather queeny thing for a man to say, so of course I'll say it because acting effeminate usually will get a laugh. I'm all about laughing and having a good time, which is why I live life so deadly serious all the time. So the Chic-Fil-A guy was asked if he was against gay marriage saying, "guilty as charged." Gay marriage is something I don't give a fuck about. Same as abortion and drugs, I just don't give a fuck. In this day and age, everybodies too much of a fucking pussy to have an opinion. We've let people bully us into a corner, where we feel afraid to make a joke about a Chinese Olympic team having all black guys and one Chinese man, something I was actually called bigoted over when I made a joke about the cowardly cheese eating French basketball team, while they played the masculine all winners American team. Can we not make jokes anymore about fucking anything? In a day and age where a guy can claim girls are nappy headed and get in trouble for that, but not even get a bit of backlash for calling them hardcore and "hos," there is a problem with society and the civilization we've created for ourselves.
Let's play divided opinion, see if you can figure out which political affiliation I have!
* I am not a woman, so I can't get pregnant. My stance is, if you can live with yourself, go for it. I'm actually surprised no one has tried to claim that jacking off is genocide yet, since your spermins are totally alive.
* Legalization of marijuana doesn't matter to me, because I don't smoke pot. What drugs people do is their own business. If we can have booze legal, where drunk girls can slosh beers on me at a concert, why couldn't that have been smoke blown in my face? I don't drink either.
* Gun control has come up lately, because of a cocksucker with red hair who was trying to recreate a scene from the Dark Knight Returns comic book, where a maniac with red hair shoots up a theater, actually went out and shot up a theater. I like guns. I want to have guns. But I'm not crazy, at least not that fucking crazy like that red haired fuck face of a guy who went and killed a bunch of people at a midnight screening.
* Midnight movie screenings are sort of bullshit, I work nights and if I want to go to a midnight anything it's always a big fucking hassle and I feel like I'm wasting time that I should be sleeping. I sleep through my nights off, because that's the only time I can sleep at night. I want to video on demand to have movie theatre movies, day and date. I now have due cause to be afraid of going to see fucking movies, and the setup I have at my house is much better than the one there. I've a feeling this will definitely be resolved first, of all these issues, because it is clearly the one that matters most, and negatively effects so many of us today in America.
* Economics are astoundingly fucked up in America. I think a serious investigation needs to be done, and anyone at the top found at fault, needs to actually be crucified on national television. Giving an old white man lashes with a whip, a crown of thrones, and then tacking him onto a cross will send a message loud and clear that this type of criminal behavior isn't to be tolerated. If I'm ever in a position to change the way our banking system works, I'd do so, but currently I work night shift at a grocery store, and I believe that voting is rigged completely, and that every politician no matter how well intentioned or seemingly friendly, is completely full of shit. Christopher Titus recently explained the banking system on his podcast in such a way that I actually understood it, the gold standard, and how British pounds worked, and suddenly I'm baffled as to inflation and a system based on infinite growth ever being approved by anyone ever.
* Protesting for change is not going to work. Let's all pat Destructoid on the back for going dark for SOPA, hell let's suck each others dicks and make ourselves really feel good about each other, because we might as well have just done that. Protest accomplishes fucking nothing, the same way that war doesn't. Ghandi protestested his racist ass off, and all he got was India to argue among themselves about who should be in charge. I say argue, but really, I mean kill each other. I'm actually afraid of what is going to happen if some serious social changes aren't made soon, things are going to be dark either way. We either go into a totalitarian society, where we're all oppressed for everything, or we go into a hippy do anything, anything goes society, where we're doomed without any control whatsoever. Again, I work night shift at a grocery store, so who am I to say what's what.
* Religions are very ignorant, intolerant, and silly. Superstitions have their place in society, but I can't be held back by what everyone else thinks. I really feel that there is some kind of God. The reasons for them, for me, for you reading, I don't know. I know that love is real. I love people, I love my puppy dogs. They mean a lot to me. I know that hate is real. I actively hate a couple people. "How can you hate someone?" Well, a guy I loved was stabbed to death, I don't love the guy who stabbed him. Fuck that guy and his three years in prison for murder, what a cunt of a person, and what a cunt of a legal system. I know for sure, for absolute sure, that I feel good when I laugh. That having a good laugh, is the most important thing. That nothing else beats that feeling, not sexual intercourse, not violence, not being paid money, and no amount of ice cream can ever give me the satisfaction that I have, when I have a real hard laugh. - Sidebar
: My mother was Catholic and my father was gambler, we attended non-denominational church services sparingly in my youth, which I found very silly. At one point a preacher said "akuna matata" when speaking in tongues, which I install knew as a wonderful phrase, not some sort of possession by a mystical spirit. As a teenager, I spent much time absorbing as much information about religions as I could, Buddhism being the one I thought seemed like having the right mindset. that suffering was our existence. That the cause of suffering, is ignorance. The path out of ignorance, I interpreted as death, something we all have to do, eventually. I spent many years following these beliefs, holding them as sacred as I could hold something. I liked meditating and listening to monks bellow out their mantras, I liked the idea that all life was sacred and that we meant something. As an adult, I realize this is all bullshit. Life isn't sacred at all, it's actually a joke that doesn't matter for anything. My religious studies continues, I find the religions of the world fascinating, but am left unfulfilled, as none of them incorporate humor, and the few that are humorous are stupid, dumb ideas by a bunch of hippies who want to feel better about themselves and their Atheist libertarian "movement." I don't like movements, I don't like groups, I don't like bullshit. I like Noble Truths, I like the idea a of God, I like the idea of Karma, and I like the idea of reincarnation. But these are all ideas, theories, or beliefs, whatever language you feel like using works, I like to use the word idea, because that sounds smarter, without being as smug as theory or as absolute as belief. Morally, I feel very ambiguous. I'm no pacifist, I will fight. I'm not about to bother anybody else for what they're doing, if you want to kill yourself with any vice at all, by all means, you live your life, I will live my life. We both will die eventually. If I can make you laugh, or you can make me laugh, I'll feel better, briefly. Every good feeling eventually fades, but laughter is the one that hits me emotionally, physically, and spiritually all at the same time and lasts the longest.
* Gay marriage shouldn't be an issue or a problem at all. If a guy who met a dude who met thirty years ago, and have blown each other every day since, suddenly one of them is hospitalized, they can't go see each other in the hospital or sit beside his boyfriend's bed to comfort him, or make himself feel better for being there. They should clearly be able to get married, for that reason, and for whatever tax break and other insurance purposes. I'm not gay, so why does it matter to me? Why should I give a fuck about two dudes marrying or a two chicks, or even a guy who wants to marry two chicks at the same time. If he can hook that up, god bless him and god bless America for letting us have options like that. If a bunch of guys want to suck each others dicks, great. Suck all the dick you want. I don't care. Tell me about it, I'll ask about it if we have an open conversation, I'm curious about everything. The same applies to lesbians. If you want to each others pussies, each others pussies. Tell me about it, I'll ask about it if we have an open conversation. The same as I would talk to someone about being Muslim, being born in Japan, being a woman, using drugs, or anything else. I'm a curious person, because I don't like leaving my house. I feel safe here with my guns, my video games, and my dogs. I don't like to bother anybody, I'm sure I do with my vulgar sense of humor, but it always comes from a place of friendship. I want to make people laugh. Who am I argue about weather a group can have their own video game convention, if it was an all black convention, or an all woman convention, why would I care? I'm not black or a woman, the same as I'm not as gay. Why does anybody let this shit bother them for any amount of time?
One of my favorite writers, someone who I actively consider worshiping, lived with two women at the same time. Forget the fact that the guy wrote some fucking bad ass comic books, this guy lived with two chicks at the same time. That's fucking awesome. If I ever meet him, I don't think I'll ever bring up comic books. I'd like to hope it would be brief, because I'm sure I would annoy him, as I annoy most people, but Alan Moore deserves to have at least one guy look him in the eyes and say good job. You did it. The only possible way I would feel better about him living with, "his wife, and their girlfriend" is if lived with three chicks at the same time and was boning all three. Yes, I am a little eccentric with this, no, I think Mormon's are a little deeper into fantasy than most people, but they might have something with their couple of wives thing. Plus, they're racist, which I'm not. Their bible actually says "And [God] had caused the cursing to come upon them," Fuck them. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not the least bit prejudiced based on color. I could have said a bunch of black guys and one china man, but I didn't. I'm better than that, because I didn't use a racist joke, right?
No. I'm no better than anything, or any body.
But I did write a book called The Bonerquest, that I want to put out this October.
The book is about a black wizard who is confused about his own sexuality and his attempts to conquer the world.
When I say black wizard, I actually mean a black man, and when I say sexually confused, I mean he has relationships with men, women, and something in between. And when I say conquer the world, I mean he actually sets out, with the goal of taking over the world, because he feels like he could do better. His beliefs and sexual feelings do not echo my own, nor do other characters. This is not an autobiography as one moron asked me, this is a fantastical story about a black wizard trying to rule the world, whose questions about his own sexuality continue throughout the story.
If that doesn't hook you, there's an entire chapter dedicated to nudity!
If that doesn't hook you, thee's an entire chapter dedicated to sadism!
If that doesn't hook you, then read it anyway, because I wrote it and you want to support me and what I've done.
Maybe you want to see what it actually is, what type of nightmare have I thrown out there into the world? It is pretty horrific in spots, you guys know my lust for horror is as deep as my lust for comedy. Same as my lust for tragedy, I find horror hilarious! The worse something is, the more terrible and disgusting, the more funny it becomes. The most po faced serious things can be the most hilarious, like Braveheart which I watched a good fifteen minutes of on TNT today, Mel Gibson walks out of a meeting with the Scotsmen who want to argue about who will be their king and their leader, while he has bigger ideas about invading England and doesn't want to bother with political bullshit. I love that. I love the idea of freedom, it's such a great idea. Bonerquest is all about that. The main character, Winston, the black wizard, wants to make a world of personal freedoms for every man.
But that's not actually coming out until October, maybe.
You can e-mail [email protected]
for more information, ask questions, or make comments. Maybe I'll send you pages out of context and have you read those, that might be fun to do! There will be a section of the book with some ancillary material and some explanations on things, based on what people I let read the book have asked me, as well as people who haven't. The last couple weeks I've been looking into advertising the book, very few places have taken me seriously, but I assure you, Bonerquest is a real book, that I'm writing, that I wrote, that is real.
I don't feel free right now, not at all.
I live in America. I'm in a place called West Virginia. Tribal instincts of grouping and group think are very much reality throughout the local culture. People believe in their local sports teams. People believe in college teams they'll never go to, with coaches who aren't from here coaching players who aren't from here, that don't care about them, and never will. They believe in wars that were started based on lies, so much so that I've known people who foolishly served our military, who come home as broken as I am. I'm broken emotionally and physically for sure. A year after that surgery I had, I'm still having trouble. Today at work, every step I took I felt up my ass throbbing with pain. I had what was known as an anal fissure, which was my own fault. I'm emotionally broken based on relationships I've had with people and the culture here. I find at every turn ignorance and pride in that ignorance, which never stops amazing me. Friends don't last, people I get close with always go away. Everyone dies, I'm going to die too. But I'm not going to bullshit myself into thinking I'll ever see anybody whose dead ever again in some magical place that everyone else here has convinced themselves of, simply because they were told that. I'll never understand that. The pride people take in their history of slavery as Coal miners, that baffles me as well. They take pride in it! When a guy has you and your people living in shanty towns, where you use "company money" for the "company store" and it's only good there, so you can't leave or use that money for anything other than what the guy who owns the coal mine, and makes actual money, whatever that guy says you can buy is all you can by, well, in my mind, that is slavery. Which is about the worst thing ever, how do you ever convince anybody to be your slave? Did they just not have any other option at all? How do you live a life like that!
A normal person probably wouldn't take things so personal. I've never been that way. In Kindergarden, I was upset that I had to color the same dinosaur worksheet every day one week. The teacher called my mother, explaining that no other kid ever picked up that she kept giving them the same worksheets over and over. I grew bored with life many years ago. Rather than end my own life, as dumbasses do, I've decided to actually do something, writing some books seems like a fun idea. I think I can do well with this sort of thing. I like writing here on a small scale, but I feel like I need to hammer people with my message in a more creative way. Yes, The Bonerquest echos all my political, religious, and comedic beliefs over and over, throughout the entire book. And this story isn't the only one I'm writing, I want do stories and write things in my way angry way. Existence is random, it has no meaning save what we choose to impose.
LOOK WHO CAME:
Kyle MacGregor Burleson 1