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LONG BLOG

RANDOMpressions - Castle Crashers

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First off, thanks again to my girlfriend. She really came through for me yesterday with the point cards.



Now for my impressions based off of the hour I fiddled around with the game.

Fifteen bucks for a game of this quality is excellent. That's a few dollars less than what I paid for a USED copy of Alien Hominid for game cube. These guys deserve every penny. Newgrounds is/was great and these dudes know how to make a good video game.

Arena mode lets you fight an increasing number of bad guys at once. I made it for about fifteen rounds before I was surrounded and overwhelmed. What's really funny are these two giant kitty cats in the arena who will swipe at you or the bad guys. Almost like a regular gladiator arena, just with kittens.



The other mode available was an eating contest. Button mashing against three other computer opponents. It appeared as though you could also do that online. I didn't like this mini game so much, as 360 controllers buttons break too easy on me. I doubt I'll play much of this mode. Still cool to watch the little characters eat a whole apple.

Now on to the main event: Singleplayer.



The first level is awesome. Second level takes it to another level of cool. You've got a scene thats a throwback to Battletoads super fast scrolling. A boss battle with a giant guy who uses this wooden block with spikes in it. And so many adorable little minions, whose heads pop off if you hit them enough times.

Yes. Their heads pop off. Enough red kroovy pours out to satisfy my bloodlust.

You've got an ever increasing set of combos and abilities. A quick inventory system just press the right and left bumpers switch items, B uses them. You also collect little animal orbs that each have specific bonuses. Over Twenty unlockable characters. A ton of different weapons to find and use, right now I'm wielding a meat tenderizer. Everything in the game is amazing.

Buy this game. Download the trial if you need convincing. This is the game that carries the beat em up torch as wonderfully as I thought it would. If you liked Final Fight, TMNT arcade, The Punisher on genesis, Double Dragon, Alien vs Predator arcade, the two D&D arcade games, Captain Commando, or any number of other awesome beat em ups.

This game will satisfy that gaming itch. Within a minute of playing it I was as into it as I've been into any game. Now I have to play castle crashers. If you want to play online add my gamertag: Randombullseye

Buy Castle Crashers.



Bonus impression, with the Juggernaught.



HEY DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH! I PLAYED CASTLE CRASHERS TOO! ITS A FUN GAME. YOU KILL BITCHES! JUST LIKE ME, THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!

Even Bill Lumbergh had an opinion:



Yeah hi, Bill Lumbergh. Yeah, if you could just try and maybe buy Castle Crashers. That'd be great. Mmkay?

We even asked Count Chocolula. He declined a photograph, since he can't be on camera due to his vampirsm. He said the game was really good and fuck co co puffs. They didn't deserve to smell his shit.
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About randombullseyeone of us since 5:44 PM on 07.05.2008







"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen



My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!



Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?



Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

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Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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