What mortals hath no desire like demomen and goldrush?
They appease their deities, yet the eyes they turn remain blind.
“Ye hath the power, hath ye not?” cried the peasants,
“Tis not a question of power, whelps!” cried the Gods.
“Then what causes your steady hand to hold?” beckoned the mortals.
“Ye not deserve, therefor we shant brought.”
The mortals begged and cried “Please, Please, Please!”
Yet Valve remained steady, they dare not appease.
For what power they wield, and could use to wrought,
Could cause the children, goldfish, and family dog to rot.
“Thou shalt love thy wife and neighbor,
And keep thyself clean;
Complete your daily tasks and be ready on knee -
If we powerful ones were to give you what you seek,
You would all surely forget to bathe, feed your children, and wreak!”
“No, No!” cried the lowly ones, “We shant bring you dishonor!”
“Do for us this, and we shall bring you Sarah O’Connor.”
The gods did hear their begging words, and discussed at great length.
“Promise, that if we bring you what you seek,
you will ask for no more than one week.”
“We promise, we swear!” they shouted.
“If you give us our free trial, we shant not clean our hair!”
And on that day, the gods did hear,
What the peasants and laborers did jeer.
And for their loyalty, filled with no blame;
Granted each to be merry, drink, and try their new game.
“The twentieth! The Twentieth!
The weekend of the Twentieth!” the peasants cried, falling to their knees.
“Aye, enjoy your free weekend of Team Fortress Two” they gods replied,
“Pyro achievements, map adjustments, and patch updates for all-
But be wary, for these gods fear not to bring down your house with brimstone, fire, and wrecking ball.”
That's right, free TF2 weekend starting tomorrow, all the way until Sunday!