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nekobun
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LONG BLOG

Is Jim Sterling servicing the video games industry?

   0
Despite his unilateral panning (7.5 or lower scores, which, as any Game Informer reader knows, means "Absolute Shite") and frequent criticism of every highly anticipated or thoroughly hyped-up game, companies still send games to Jim Sterling and all of his Destructoid reviewer minions. Meanwhile, smaller games, that no one has heard or cares about, and will never play intentionally, get sparkling reviews, despite many of their publishers essentially being transients in the street that could never provide much of a hookup, or are merely sending their games out to die.

One would think the consistently bad press would have dissuaded at least some companies out there from giving him anything. Clearly, the man is up to something, and I think it's obvious what that something is.

Jim Sterling must love giving head to industry reps, and by now, he is probably great at it.



For starters, just look at the man. He's enormous. You don't get that huge without consuming mass amounts of food, which would imply that his mouth is very adept at taking things in, and there's plenty of room therein for whatever's being swallowed. Additionally, a lack of gag reflex would aid nicely in the consumption of foodstuffs, as well as other "activities."

Secondly, given that Jim is that fat, it's a known fact that fatties are that much kinkier and know all the tricks, because they have to try that much harder. One can only imagine the things Jim can do with his tongue, never mind what may happen should he bring his teeth into the equation.

And third, his hands are likely also very adroit; when you type up as much "content" as Jim does in the average day, your digits must get quite the workout. Assumptions can't really be made in regards to his grip, but those little sausages of his are probably very, very nimble by now. How ironic that a Briton should very likely be giving out "Yanks."

It's obvious that Jim Sterling hates all things good and light in the world, and this hatred is only further fueled by his insatiable lust for cock. I'd say that he should move to the porn industry if he wants to eat dick all the time and still be surrounded by mediocre reviews. He could probably pass as a Bear well enough, and those guys even have their own flag.



In all seriousness, though, why are you people dredging the Heavy Rain marketing criticism up again? He's got a review of the game up, so you might as well whine like babies about that, even though you're not going to read anything besides the score at the end.
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About nekobunone of us since 5:17 PM on 06.29.2007

Hi, I'm Chris, though I've been going by nekobun and variants thereof for so long, I kind of answer to both anymore.

While I've kind of got my own thing going in the realm of indie coverage, at least in the form of playing through (and streaming) (and writing about) the huge backlog I'm developing of games gleaned from various indie bundles, I try to keep my more mainstream, game-related features here, as well as opinion pieces on the industry at large, out of mad love for the 'toid. When I'm not rambling here or trying to be clever in comments threads, you can catch me rambling on Facebook and my Twitter, and trying to be clever in the Dtoid.tv chat.

Now Playing:
360: Halo 4
PC: F.E.A.R.
SNES: Secret Of Mana

Promoted:
I suck at games: PEW PEW LASERS
Improving game communities: Collective consciousness
Nothing is sacred: These walls have torn my world apart
The wrong thing: Only cream and bastards catch them all.
Love/Hate: I love to hate -you-
Love/Hate: B(u)y the book
The Future: Is still what it used to be
My Expertise: Playing the race kart
Something about sex: Sex sells, but who's buying?
E3 Approaches: It's oh so quiet
Freedom: Together, we'll break the chains of HUDs
East vs West: We've got the empire
Handhelds: Graduating as 2000's Catchemaledictorian
Relaxation: Cheesy double Chief burrito
Online Passes: A spoonful of sugar
Peripherals: Many tentacles pimpin' on the keys
This is what MAGfest is all about
Beginnings: Put it on the pizza
Disappointment: Bad(vent) timing

Recap Topsauce:
It's Thinking: Could you quit playing with that radio, love?
Do the wrong thing: And do it right, for once.
Afraid to shoot strangers.
Not if you were the last junkie on Pandora
Is Jim Sterling servicing the video games industry?
Something About Sex: Unsafe at any speed.
Doing DLC right
Congress passes sweeping Elfcare reform bill
Bottom five healthcare systems in videogames.
Pushing my love over the quarter line.
When my life would depend on an eight point none.
Remember the heroes.
Every Journey begins with a single step.
It's all over now, bomber blue.
Being Social: We'll always have Rainbow Road
Labor Day: Of course you realize, this means wark.
Please, aim it higher.
There Would've Been Brawl: Show me 'round your eggplantcage.
Integration: A place for everything
Zelda Week: I guess this is growing up.
MAGfest: the (don't be an) idiot's guide
Promotions: The bees are alright
Now is the winter of on-disc content
This was supposed to be a dozen items about nekobun.
Without Slenderness, there's something missing.
Cheap tricks (and treats) don't come cheaper than free.
The legacy of the (unlikely) wizard.
Cheap Tricks II: Sugar rush boogaloo
Thank you, for bringing me here, for showing me Home.
Burnt flowers fallen: the tragic bitchotry of Lilly Caul
Red and blue, resolving into purple.
Xbox LIVE:nekobun
PSN ID:strictmachine
Steam ID:nekobun
Mii code:2610 8366 7890 1412


 

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