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Congress Passes Sweeping Elfcare Reform Bill

After months of contention and intense campaigning from both sides of the aisle, both the House and Senate have ratified president Obama's revolutionary elfcare legislation. While seen as a key, if not career-saving, victory for the president and his supporters, reactions to the events on Capitol Hill have been mixed, to say the least.

"It's nice to see someone finally looking out for us," said the Prince of the Castle Of Elf. "It may have been too late for poor Erdrick, but it should do a lot of good now that the Light Warriors are no longer in business. Sickness isn't uncommon here, what with all the swampland nearby."

Elder Sahasrala, of Kakariko village in Hyrule, was a bit less pleased. "Frankly, I think it's condescending, if not downright racist," he stated. "It's some blanket nonsense for anyone with pointy ears, without any thought being put into what groups could use help most. I mean, look at us Hylians," continued the elder, gesturing toward some passing townsfolk, "Every few years, we've got some hell-raising pig-man coming through, razing things and maiming and killing whomever he pleases. You'd think we could get some kind of break, but no. We're just as covered as, say, the Newmans, over in Ragol."

"What do they even need coverage for?" Sahasrala emphatically shouted, waving his arms briefly in protest. "Damn newmies already had special exceptions to stem cell research, even during the ban, and they're already splicing human genes with bio-monsters. Monsters! It's crazy to think they're getting the exact same shake we are on this. At least we're getting something, I guess."

An employee of an existing, commercial elfcare firm, who preferred to remain anonymous, mentioned that if nothing else, she hoped the bill would force companies like her to straighten out their accounting issues in order to remain competitive and in compliance with government regulations. "It's a nightmare anymore. You've got some people paying in meseta, others in rupees, and still others in four or five different forms of gold. There are clients who ship us a full treasure chest every month as their premium. A treasure chest! Payments really need to go entirely electronic if possible, because this is just getting out of hand."

One last viewpoint comes from Questor, who purports to be a professional archer and dungeon spelunker. "I'm really glad they snuck in some of the supplementary items that people were getting upset about, like damage-resistant comestible research. Do you know how many deaths, elven or otherwise, occur every year due to food being shot? It's not just we the elvish who'll benefit from this, but also wizards, barbarians... everyone!"

As you can see, despite the very vocal reservations of some parties, the general outlook regarding this legislation seems to be optimistic. Whether it's out of genuine faith in our lawmakers or relief at the possibility they may finally move on to other, and in some voters' eyes, more important projects, remains to be seen.
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About nekobunone of us since 5:17 PM on 06.29.2007

Hi, I'm Chris, though I've been going by nekobun and variants thereof for so long, I kind of answer to both anymore.

While I've kind of got my own thing going in the realm of indie coverage, at least in the form of playing through (and streaming) (and writing about) the huge backlog I'm developing of games gleaned from various indie bundles, I try to keep my more mainstream, game-related features here, as well as opinion pieces on the industry at large, out of mad love for the 'toid. When I'm not rambling here or trying to be clever in comments threads, you can catch me rambling on Facebook and my Twitter, and trying to be clever in the Dtoid.tv chat.

Now Playing:
360: Halo 4
PC: F.E.A.R.
SNES: Secret Of Mana

I suck at games: PEW PEW LASERS
Improving game communities: Collective consciousness
Nothing is sacred: These walls have torn my world apart
The wrong thing: Only cream and bastards catch them all.
Love/Hate: I love to hate -you-
Love/Hate: B(u)y the book
The Future: Is still what it used to be
My Expertise: Playing the race kart
Something about sex: Sex sells, but who's buying?
E3 Approaches: It's oh so quiet
Freedom: Together, we'll break the chains of HUDs
East vs West: We've got the empire
Handhelds: Graduating as 2000's Catchemaledictorian
Relaxation: Cheesy double Chief burrito
Online Passes: A spoonful of sugar
Peripherals: Many tentacles pimpin' on the keys
This is what MAGfest is all about
Beginnings: Put it on the pizza
Disappointment: Bad(vent) timing

Recap Topsauce:
It's Thinking: Could you quit playing with that radio, love?
Do the wrong thing: And do it right, for once.
Afraid to shoot strangers.
Not if you were the last junkie on Pandora
Is Jim Sterling servicing the video games industry?
Something About Sex: Unsafe at any speed.
Doing DLC right
Congress passes sweeping Elfcare reform bill
Bottom five healthcare systems in videogames.
Pushing my love over the quarter line.
When my life would depend on an eight point none.
Remember the heroes.
Every Journey begins with a single step.
It's all over now, bomber blue.
Being Social: We'll always have Rainbow Road
Labor Day: Of course you realize, this means wark.
Please, aim it higher.
There Would've Been Brawl: Show me 'round your eggplantcage.
Integration: A place for everything
Zelda Week: I guess this is growing up.
MAGfest: the (don't be an) idiot's guide
Promotions: The bees are alright
Now is the winter of on-disc content
This was supposed to be a dozen items about nekobun.
Without Slenderness, there's something missing.
Cheap tricks (and treats) don't come cheaper than free.
The legacy of the (unlikely) wizard.
Cheap Tricks II: Sugar rush boogaloo
Thank you, for bringing me here, for showing me Home.
Burnt flowers fallen: the tragic bitchotry of Lilly Caul
Red and blue, resolving into purple.
Xbox LIVE:nekobun
PSN ID:strictmachine
Steam ID:nekobun
Mii code:2610 8366 7890 1412


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