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LONG BLOG

It's like fucking the 90's Pamela Anderson and then bangin her gran

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i love Doom. always have. i even loved it on the sega 32x , yeeeah , i happily utilised half a nuclear powerstations worth of electrical output and more audio/video leads than were necessary to broadcast fucking Live Aid in order to play that version, fuck borders, fuck shitty music, its still doom and still kicks buttski. In almost all of its incarnations its been the go to fps for me when i get sick of the more ridiculous shit, the guns aint enough so fuck it lets give the player character the powers of a fully gloved up Thanos and fuck it, six toes on each foot as well, just in case... Doom is simple, umpfty guns, run fast, kill shit..its tactile, pretty much emotionless, chaotic in the absurd and the sole premise is that you slay the shit out of anything else that moves. you hunt demons, you dont flee unless youre very definetely going to turn it into an advantage, normally though you are actively, viciously chasing these things down in a determined advancing fury..you are charging at these things..on foot..like some spaced up version of the mad scottish fuckers in Braveheart. Doom 2016 wowed me..it took the basics, added a nicely visceral mechanic to help get you out of the shit, while maintaining the hectic pacing that makes Doom feel alive..a great graphical look, killer soundtrack and gameplay that while updated was still most definetely Doom/Doom II style gameplay. i was cautious before first playing it because lets face it, everything this generation seems to upgrade seems to be like upgrading a fart into a full blown shit, but thankfully after about oooh 2 minutes playing i was back in my security blanket of demon bollocks and imp arseholes. the whole thing ( im talking single player here, lets face it, do i strike you as the social type ? ), the whole thing gelled like Shepherd and Willis in Moonlighting, it really is , in many ways, as good as it could possibly get.... now if you arent spotting a forshadowing here then youre obviously new, what ? you think the titles just there to cynically drag in just any old sap ? yerrr well , of course it is but fucks to that, beeeecccaaaause... Doom Eternal now, i wish, hope and would pray if i thought any cunt was listening, that the upcoming Doom is going to do the undoable and outdoom erm doom..thats what i'd like, but ive just been watching a fucking gameplay trailer which shows a grapple type mechanic and, just like Solo turning to the walking carpet, i have to say..i gotta bad feeling about this.. we have the doomslayer/doom guy/ fucking call him abigail may in kirks underpants, whatever, but he is what he is ( just like popeye ), we know and are quite accustomed to his movement and motivations..as earlier alluded to, he hunts, he RUNS at foes.. you know who doom guy fucking isnt ??? spiderman, batman, rico fucking rodriguez, lara croft or friggin scorpion out of mortal kombat..he's not some halfassed demon angler who throws out a line to hook a cacodemon from the shallow end..for fucks sake cant we just leave pretty perfect alone for once !!? He advances, he runs, charges, makes the fucking effort just to get the job done..i dont want to be swinging around like some halfassed trapeze act while shooting in 20 directions at once, i want to run, focus, fire and get the fuck out of there alive, or die giving it my very best, adhering to gravity , good old great british 'go' honestly , if they fuck this up , the police are never gonna stop finding the body parts. even more honestly, i hope im wrong, i hope they exercise enough sense so as not to make this a forced gameplay mechanic, because im not one to snuffle out the words arkham knight and batmobile in the same sentence without having to plug my arsehole with concrete . sometimes it is ok to rest on your laurels and just keep doing the good that youve been doing..what the fuck do you think kept getting the rolling stones laid throughout the 60's, 70's, 80's etc ? ( anyone answering with the words good looks or charm ..go sit at the back of the class with your underpants on your head ) im going to call it a draw with that, time will tell which way this one goes and also i think im in danger of exceeding my 150 fuck per blog limit ( and seeee i didnt mention fucking far cry at all..oh...bollocks ) :-)
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About gadgerooone of us since 6:52 PM on 05.23.2013

seriously..i've been doin this shit since before atari used new mexico as a graveyard for silicon. Yup i'm one of those grumpy old fucks who can't understand the appeal of call of duty or battlefield games, can't understand how resident evil 6 even managed to get released and thinks that after super mario galaxy, nintendo should have really just called it a day with the whole fat plumber saga.